racing thoughts....

So, I have alot of jumbled thoughts in my head. I will do my best to organize them and make this seem somewhat coherent...no promises though.

I am feeling so torn and unsettled lately.  We want to continue sending out kids to the school that they are currently attending.  There is going to be a slight increase in tuition this year.  I am not upset about the increase whatsoever. I mean my wallet is upset, but I understand the need for the increase.  The part I am torn and unsettled about is the future. I do not know how on earth we will be able to afford to send them.  Josh changed jobs and took a decent pay cut. I work part time, mostly for the insurance......anyway, all that to say that today while I was thinking about it, and looking over the paperwork I just wanted to cry.  It just felt so hopeless to me.....  we are trying so hard to do right by our kids, and as I am sitting here typing all this out my eyes are welling up with tears.  I dont want to, and honestly canNOT send her to the public school in our town. I feel trapped by money, or lack thereof.
--this is not a pity party, sometimes putting it on "paper" helps...--- I know that if God wants our kids to continue where they are (and I believe he does) that he will work things out for us, and we just need to be patient (so much easier said than done).
We have been throwing around another option for this upcoming school year, but I dont think it will pan out, I would love it if it worked out, but again, something else to pray about...

Contentment.  I need it.  I want it.  I am trying so hard to attain it.....without much success.  :(   I am willing to stay where we are living and sacrifice so that we have "extra" money to put toward tuition, but I feel that staying here is affecting not just my health, but Athenas health now too.  I am always looking online for somewhere else to live where we would feel healthier, but around here theres nothing even close to what we are paying now thats in a decent area.
Just in case any of you out there run across something heres what we are looking for:
2-3 bedrooms, 1 and 1/2 bathrooms, yard, own entrance, non smoking a garage and/or basement would be awesome, but not a need.  Preferably in williston,essex, south burlington or nearby town.  williston would be so very perfect since we both work in williston and thats where the kids school is, but again, not a need.
I feel trapped in this apartment.  I want to go for walks, I want the kids to play outside safely, I want to have enough space so that I can have a dresser again, in my bedroom......anyway, enough of that :)

I am looking into a second part time job for myself, to be able to earn "extra" money.....I am actually excited about it, but cant start it yet...more to come in the next week or so about this.

My "baby" girl graduates from kindergarten in a couple of weeks.  I cant believe it. almost an entire school year has passed.....shes so excited and proud of herself :)

I feel  unappreciated.  I know every mom goes through this, but lately its really bothering me.  Oh well

Athena is getting over her 18th sinus infection in a year and a half.  so she is being seen by ENT this month to come up with a plan.  My guess -and Im not a dr- is that they are going to do a tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy....but we will see.

Well, I think that I have emptied out a good part of whats been running around inside my head.  This wasnt one of my 'happier' posts, but they cant all be happy and lighthearted  :)