so tired

I am feeling tired in every sense of the word.  I am mentally tired, today has been a rough day. Athena was awake way too early, and didnt go back to sleep, and has been rather unpleasant today.  (But I have managed to stay calm and not yell)   I am tired of being tired, I am tired from not sleeping well over the last week and a half.  I'm just tired, and need some encouragement.....I miss my out of state friends, and would love nothing more than to text one of them to meet me at the bike path for a walk.....I'm bumming a little cuz Josh will be out of town starting tomorrow and not back until wed night, so I think I am tired just thinking about doing it all by myself for the next few days....The kids are watching The Lorax right now and when its done we are heading out....maybe to my moms so they can play outside and I can just sit (or clean the van) but we will see....After they are in bed tonight and Josh gets home I "get" to go out and get groceries......usually I look forward to that since Im all alone, but Im just so tired I don't even want to do that.....oh well....how is your day?

Today was a good day

This will be a rather short blog since I havent been feeling that great, and my head is killing me....Anyway, I think I wrote earlier in the week about how I was feeling like a bad mother and couldnt seem to get things in order....After that post I decided that whining about it online wasnt going to make anything different. It was me that had to change.  I have been reading The HEart of Anger (as well as two other books not related to this blog) and realized that Over the years our house had become more of a child centered home in some ways, and that had to change.  Thursday was rough, Friday was better (only 1 incident) and today....no incidents.  I know that there is still alot of work that I need to do, but the overall tone in the house was better. My girl seemed happier, and was definitely more respectful and obedient, and my boy was less whiny....So I am seeing progress, and I know I felt better at the end of day getting the kids ready for bed knowing that I had not raised my voice once, I did not get angry with them, and it is just so nice to sit here and realize that today (even though I feel like a truck ran over me--love allergies!) was a good day.  This has been a tiring week, but at least I feel like it was worth the struggle and mental exhaustion if our days can continue to be like this.  -yay!-

Parenting......not an easy job!!

I am so tired, my head hurts, but I feel like I made small baby steps toward my goal.....I have been struggling with my girl, and her...well, to be honest her lack of respect and obedience when she is with me.  She and I are almost always butting heads, and some days it feels like she WANTS to fight with me, even though the outcome is never good.
The last couple of days I have been feeling like I am the worst mother,and everyone is judging my lack of skills,  my kids dont obey when they should, and I felt like I would get more response if I told the wall to do something....
Well, I didnt get much sleep last night thinking about everything, and decided that this morning no matter what, my girl would understand that this behavior has to stop. Today. We had a long talk before leaving and she knew the consequences if there was disrespect or disobedience.  About 20 minutes into our first outing with her cousins, she disobeyed.  It was a very sad girl who had to leave the building and sit outside with me while everyone else got to finish....I know someday her stubborness will be an asset, but today, after close to 30 minutes of sitting with me and watching her cousins play she was ready to tell me and her daddy she was sorry and pray out loud with me to tell Jesus she was sorry....phew!
After that, she did a great job, and got to play and have fun.....Both kids were so tired they probably would have gone to bed at 4 if I tried, but since Josh got called into work me and the kids had an early dinner, they had their baths (super dirty little feet!) and were both asleep by 6:45 tonight....
I am reading the book The heart of Anger, and some of it makes me wonder if they know my kiddos personally!!  Its a good book, and I know the next few days are going to be rough and tiring, but the reward will be so worth it!!
So, if you think of me please send up a prayer for strength for me.....If I didnt love my kids so much I would not be taking the time for this process.....

blah

I have been sitting here at the computer, thinking about all these things that I want to say, but nothing makes sense once I start typing.....I love my kids with all my heart, and want to think that I am doing things right, and teaching them the right way to behave, but sometimes I feel like I am doing everything wrong.
I have a headache tonight.  I am tired.  I have a pile of laundry that needs to be folded and put away, a kitchen that should be a little cleaner than it is, and a bunch of other things that I want to do to organize my house, but at the end of the day I just dont have anything left in me, and I just want to go to bed and pray for a decent nights sleep.
So, I am going to spend some time with Josh and then go to bed and read...Tomorrow is (thankfully) a new day, and no matter what we will have a fun day tomorrow!