A new woman!!

Well, After posting yesterday and then chatting with my mommy on the phone I decided that when the kids were in bed I was going to go out (after Josh got home or course!)  So, my silver lining was that athena fell asleep at 6:30 -she was REALLY tired!- and caleb was asleep by 7pm so when my hubby got home a little after that we chatted for a few minutes and he sent me out the door to have fun.  I went into dover and explored their once upon a child, found some things for the kids that they needed, and then since it wasnt even 8pm I decided to find the walmart.....I wandered in there for a bit, picked up a few things that we needed and then decided to go home.  I felt 40 pounds lighter after.  I know that might not make any sense to some of you, but by the time I got home, I just felt like myself again. I thanked my hubby for understanding and "letting" me go out, and he said "don't worry about it, I know you need time to yourself too"  We are both growing through this move and I am so happy that it seems we are growing together.  I will be honest the first couple of weeks, I wasnt sure, but we worked through that, and I am trying and I know he is trying and we are seeing the evidence of that  :)

So anyway, this morning when I woke up (at 5:45AM!) I was happy to see my little boy, and thankful for the snuggle time alone on the couch with him instead of resentful that I had to be up before the sun.

So, that was my lesson-don't wait until you feel like the world in closing in on you before you tell your hubby, and get some alone time to recharge your mommy batteries  :)

I am looking forward to today with my kids, I am thinking about taking them to this place for  a halloween game time for kids......if not there are plenty of other things that we can find to do in this nice sunny place  :)

Enjoy your day, enjoy your kids, and enjoy your time!  Happy saturday  :)

so, I am sorry that I haven't been posting daily, I know that a few people have said they liked my blog, but please keep it going...so sorry, I am working on it! :)

I don't have anything overly significant to write about, but I have been struggling the last few days with lots of things. Mostly all inside my own head which is the most dangerous!! Because I have been home with the kids, money is much tighter than we are used to/planned for it to be etc...so we have been adjusting to living a little differently- not that we spent money all the time or even frivolously but now we have to really pay attention to where our money goes.  So, I have been feeling .......well....guilty isnt the right word, but best describes how I have felt I guess.....I am bringing in very little income watching Leah, but yet I am bringing in something and for that I so thankful! It not only gives athena someone to play with, but it helps us out financially too!
I want to go to VT for thanksgiving, I am going to vt for thanksgiving, but it isnt looking like Josh will be able to come with us.  He doesnt think he can get the time off d/t opening a new shop in dover, and other work stuff.....I am a little nervous about taking the kids that far in the car by myself, espcially since I have never driven that far myself, let alone with my kids.....so that is of course weighing on me........
I dont' know, I have just been feeling really tired, and melancholy lately, and with joshs schedule I haven't had a break or "me time" pretty much since we got here.  Dont misunderstand, I LOVE my kids, and I love spending time with them, and I am so very thankful for the Job Josh has, but being that my parent are in vt, I havent been able to call them and just say hey can you watch the kids for a couple of hours so I can get some errands done, or take a nap, or whatever.......again, not complaining, just saying........
so, we went to the pumpkin patch/fall festival again yesterday and painted more pumpkins, athena loves that!!  and it was a great day! we played outside with the kids, went to mcdonalds for lunch (a special treat from daddy) played all afternoon, and all in all it was a great day---usually those kind of days make me feel great and look forward to the next day, but all I wanted to do was go to bed. I made myself stay up and watch tv with Josh, but by 9pm, I had to go to bed I was so tired......no, I am not preggers as some of you might be thinking right now......I think I have just overspent all my energy along with fighting off a virus, and I am of course missing my parents, and friends who are all in vt, wishing Josh could get out of work early today to spend more time with us, but knowing that he can't....
some days I just really feel alone and isolated.....especially the days ironically when I watch leah becuase I cant go anywhere when she is here.......
ok, enough, I am going to go watch a silly movie with the kids so we can laugh and have fun before lunch/naps.......

Why am I so tired????

Well my mom and dad came to delaware thursday for the weekend, and it was nice to see them, and watch my kids happy faces as they got to spend time with their grammie andboppie....thursday they arrived here around 4pm and hung our and we had dinner with them before they finished their trip and went to christopher and julies house....friday me and the monkeys went to delmar to hang out with them as well as my bro,julie and alex- which was fun, but I was soooooo tired that night when we got home!!  Saturday me and the monkeys went to the store to get a few things for the party, then came home and cleaned and decorated for the little mans party...I think I blew up 50 balloons! we had them scattered throughout the main floor and the kids had so much fun I should have video taped them!!!

Mom and dad stayed here saturday night to save an hour or so of travel time sunday morning, and of course the kiddos had a blast playing  on it and climbing it...I really do have monkeys!!! 

yesterday we recovered :) and athen and I spent the afternoon cleaning up while caleb napped...then when Josh got home we carved pumpkins!!!

Athena was so excited, but then when she realized what she had to touch she decided to watch instead! :)




Today is BEAUTIFUL!!!! there is a lovely breeze blowing through my house (yes most of my windows are open!) and even though it is supposed to rain later, I am loving this!!! But man I am still beat!!  Hopefully tonight everyone will sleep soundly, and alllllllllll night long!!

And again, I have to apologize for the pictures....it is so weird, they have been rotated and are correct in my photo file, but when I put them on here, or facebook, for some reason they flip around!! 

more honest than I meant to be

Ok, so I know it has been a couple of days, but I have been busy, and at the end of the day just too tired to sit and write about my day  :)
So, today, well this evening we are having another party for mr caleb....my parents are here, and christopher,julie,alex and aunt diana will be coming over so it will be fun! yesterday I got to spend a little time with my brother and sister in law which was a nice treat- they are really busy and stuff so we dont see each other as much as we would like, but still more than when we were in vt!
so today I have already got some cleaning done, been to the grocery store, and done a few other things...I am ready for a nap, but no, not today....still have to bake brownies, finsih cleaning,do a little laundry,and of course decorate for later..oh yeah, and get dinner started for everyone!  Please dont take that as a complaint, I love that I am home to do these things, I am just struggling with my daughters attitude, and it is emotionally draining for me day in and day out...she really has a mean streak in her that at times, I will be honest, I want to smack out of her, but I thankfully have some self control!  I pray about this both by myself and with her, but I just havent seen a change, she is mean to caleb-flat out mean, and trys to be mouthy to me....I know this is hard for her and she misses her grammie, but that is not an excuse for bad behavior...how long will this go on??  I think I struggle more with her becuase her and I are so much alike that we but heads anyway....
ok, well I have rambled on longer than I thought so, sorry....if any of you has advice, I am happy to read what you have to say.....
I will post pics and stuff after tonights party!

............

so, I wasnt sure what to title today hence the dots.....  anyway, today was a dark rainy day, but there were quite a few silver linings:  caleb slept all night and woke me up at 7:25 this morning, Athena woke up early, but entertained herself, my daughter is an insanely awesome artist! seriously, this isnt just mommy talk, I am amazed at what she is able to do, met new friends at storytime, as well as a sweet lady who genuinely cares about -me-, ........
Sometimes, I just am completely overwhelmed by how much I love my children. Feelings that I honestly never thought I was capable of bubble up and surprise me!
I am feeling emotional tonight, not in a bad way, not in a good way, just emotional.  possibly because my parents are coming for the weekend, which will be great to see them, and wonderful for athena, but I tend to worry and of course I worry how my girl will be after they leave.  She loves them so much and this separation is hardest on her, poor little thing, sometimes she just breaks my heart, and now that I have started writing about this, I am tearing up, so enough of that!
We bought caleb big boy undies the other day and he loves them......as long as he doesnt have to wear them you see, he prefers to be naked, completely and totally bare....he even has a little dance that he will do when he has stripped off his clothes...I am slightly concerned about this but since he is only2 wont get too concerned yet :)

so tomorrow will be a day of cleaning and such. that way I can enjoy friday with my kiddos and saturday with the family!
ok, gotta run, Josh is wondering what I am doing, and he has even found something on tv that I like! :)
G'nite!

happy birthday my baby boy!

So today at exactly 9:01pm caleb will be 2.  I can't believe it has been 2 years since he was born. It really seems like just yesterday we were at toysrus getting double stroller in complete denial that I was actually in rather active labor at the time.  I won't bore you with the whole day that he was born, but I find it amusing (now) that I had to be told by both my mom and my husband "you probably should call your midwife..just to be checked" and even my midwife was like, well you can come in but you will probably get sent back home....only to get up to L&D and be told I wasnt going anywhere because I was 6-8centimeters and almost completely effaced.....this was at 3pm on sat october 18,2008.....I had to be on antibiotics for a few hours and then they broke my water and 3 pushes, a punched nurse (I am told I did this) and a pale Josh and Caleb was born!  Many,MANY ear infections, 2 sets of tubes and more falls than I can count, brings us to today.  :)

It's funny,  I never would have agreed with people that gender makes such a difference in their personality but now that I have 1 of each, it is so true!  Athena is my goddess (appropriately named) and is high maitenance, while caleb is laid back, easy going, and just pretty much does whatever he is told....for the most part.....it is just a funny concept to me.
so anyway,have a nice monday!

So, for some reason when I upload these pictures, the turn.....
                                                                 getting ready to eat the cupcake...

First taste

                                                           His "big" present...a 4 wheeler!!!

                                          and for some reason, when we were done opening presents, he decided to                                                     take   off his clothes!! :)

my baby isnt a baby....

So yes I am a bit obsessed with the fact that my baby boy is turning two in...3 days!  But I am also excited. This morning Caleb was being naked boy...I should probably back up a little bit..while we have been kind of introducing the potty we have been letting caleb be naked, an activity that he REALLY likes, so whenever he gets the chance he will pull on his shirt and say "aked" which means, naked....:)  so anyway he was being naked boy this morning and I was on the phone with my mom when I watched the little man run from the dining room to the bathroom (all of maybe 10 feet) open the potty and sit down and.....pee!!!  all on his own without any prompting or me asking him...this was really cool! unfortunately shortly after that we had to get dressed and go outside, but I am looking forward to tomorrows naked time (only caleb is naked...I feel I needed to put that out there)  and see how he does!
So this afternoon after some playing I got a bunch of cleaning done, and I have to say that mentally I feel so much better when my main floor is cleaned.  the playroom is just that so not a huge issue, and the bedrooms are upstairs so not as problematic to me....so ahhhh floors are cleaned, carpets vacummed (sp?) dishes washed and drying (no dishwasher for me) table is cleaned off and you can actually see it, toys are back in the playroom......much better...and I just realized that I didnt have any coffee today....I did have a pepsi, but yay for me with no coffee  :)

so the heat is on

So, after yesterdays cold rainy weather we had to turn the heat on this morning.....not too bad considering it is halfway (just about) into October! Plus I am sure that it will be turned off shortly since it is already warming up in the house :)
Last night as I was getting groceries I was walking around the store -alone!- and it dawned on me that my baby boy will be turning two on Monday....Monday! 2!  where on earth has the time gone....seems likejust yesterday I was riding hay rides and doing everything possible to get him to come out!  LOL!!!  Oh well, I am sure that I will write a whole long book on his birthday.  I just thought it funny that even though we have planned his party, bought presents and decided on a cake it didnt hit me until I was getting groceries  :) probably cuz I was alone listening only to my thoughts!
Well, it isnt raining today so I think I will try to get some cleaning done this morning, and then we will attempt a park....there are at least 3 to choose from so maybe 1 this morning and then 1 this afternoon, what a cool mom I am!  LOL!!!
Have a lovely thursday!!

hey it actually feels like fall today!

So, today I was actually excited to get up and put on....jeans!!  I havent worn jeans since before I moved here, so at least a few months!  it is 48 and now it is raining, but I have to say it felt good to get out a fleece just to go for a walk with the kids  :)
So for soe reason my darling son decided he would rather be angry and rearrange his bedroom furniture last night instead of go to sleep, it took a good 2 hours before he was asleep, and then decided to do all this again from 3am until close to 5am....Grrrr......
so today I am a little tired....and of course this is the day that I watch Leah, ugh.  so since JOsh is home today I took the two girls to the playground, and caleb stayed in with Josh.
Now we are back home, and made it just in time since the rain has started -yuck- which means we are stuck in the house for the rest of the day...double yuck!  I love to be home and get things done, but at the same time I NEED to get out of the house and get that break .....I am trying very hard not to be frustrated with JOsh at this moment, becasue he has gone upstairs and is "resting"  I have been working hard at letting things go and not getting frustrated with the little things, but I could really use a nap, not that I can do that right now since leah is here, but still, I am a bit frustrated.
ok, enough of that, going to go and get a halloween projext ready for th kids to work on, I think we will make stickers......

the day after

So yesterday was our 8 year anniversary, I still can't believe I have been married for 8 years, and have 2 beautiful kids...funny thing is that it doesnt feel that long....
anyway, Since money is tight I wasnt expecting anything from Josh other than hanging out on the couch together and watching a movie, but he came home with a dozen beautiful roses and my favorite (fattening) ice cream!! he didnt have to do anything, but it was soooooooo nice to come downstairs and see flowers waiting for me.....it might seem like nothing to some of you , but the way finances have been the past year and a half Josh hasnt been able to get me flowers, so this was even more special to me,and they really are beautiful!  I of course made him a pumpkin pie- a different recipe than usual, and I have to say that it was eally good!!!
Today is JOshs day off, and we are going back to Fiffers orchard to play and participate in their fall festival. It is so much fun for all of us,and every time we go we each get to get a pumpkin ! we are getting quite a collection of pumpkins now! you can choose to paint a pumpkin or just keep it plain, if I can figure it out I will post some pictures of our personal pumpkin patch! :)
So, this week is going along nicely, and I am just hoping that today and tomorrow will be great family days for us!
keep you posted! :)

wow....8 years!!

so today is our anniversary, and it amazes me when I think about all the different things that Josh and I have gone through in our 8 years of married life....there  have been lots of awesome highs as well as too many lows , but through it all we seem to keep it together and still love each other!  We even have two of the most beautiful, funny kiddos ever who love us no matter what!!
Last year at our anniversary time Josh was out of work due to an injury and we were struggling just to get by, this year we are in a new house, new state, doing new stuff, and no we dont have extra money floating around, but we are able to pay our bills, buy groceries, and even get the kids  pumpkins at the pumpkin patch this year! And the most amazing thing to me is that I am not working!  Josh has been willing to try this out and see if we can afford for me to stay home and watch a couple of kids so that we dont have to worry about childcare expenses...and we are doing ok.......
So anyway, all that to say that wow! I cant believe how we are being taken care of  here in delaware, and I can't wait to see what the next year holds for us as a couple and as a family!

Monday,Monday....

So, this morning is not off to a great start....up most of the last couple of nights with my little boy....now he is coughing and I think it is either his ears or he has croup....I was all upset thinking I had to takehim to the Er becuase a phone call  last week to the new dr was odd and I was told they would not see my kids unless they had their records....so today when I called to check and see if they had received them I asked her what to do er etc...I was told oh no whoever you spke to was wrong we will see your child without records if they are sick, just cant do well checks!  well that makes perfect sense and I breathed a sigh of relief and now am just waiting for the nurse to call me back to schedule an appointmnet.....I am so tired, I feel like I need to sleep for a whole day to try to catch up!  The hardest part is that on one of these days my mom would have come over to hang with thena so I could rest, or to give me a break for an hour....but now I dont have that. I am not complaining, I am just realy needing that break and its hard. I will be fine, I am strong and the Lord wants me to grow here on my own and I know I will.
Today will be a struggle. tired mom, sick boy, and a very tired grumpy jealous girl.... after we get caleb squared away we will start working on keeping thena asleep and in HER bed past 5 am!  On the bright side there should be some good napping going on in our house this afternoon!!

so...here is how my morning was....

After postin this on my facebook page, it was suggested that I start a blog so, for those of you who missed it, this was todays post...I guess  :)

Hello again from smyrna delaware!  I was just so encouraged today at the church we went to that I wanted to share that with my friends....I had planned to go to this big baptist church in dover/camden area up until last night....I was googling churches that were a little closer to smyrna, a little becuase I am lazy and a little because, well I don't know, just because  :)  Anyway, as I was looking and looking, I came across a Christ Memorial BaptistChurch in dover....I was intrigued becasue I have been to a christ memorial in vermont and really like it, so anyway, at the last minute I changed my mind and my gps...within 5 seconds of walking in the door I was greeted by the sweetest lady who took athena by the hand and showed us where to go. Athenas teacher was friendly and had brought a snack so they were like instant friends! :)  then Sharon brought me to the nursery to drop of caleb, and there wasnt anyone there yet, so she went to another class, brought back coffe for her and I and we sat and talked until the nursery workers came in about 10 minutes later...
I went to the ladies sunday school where there were only about 6 of us and they are going through the study guide/book cultivating contentment and it was great! they even gave me the book so I can try to catch up for next week!  the service was good- this month they are talking about stewarship and it was encouraging to listen to this pastor...This pastor told me that he was an assistant youth pastor (or something like that) in new england around 14 years ago...and I guess he is from the Boston area so that was kind of neat too.,
so, anyway, I was just encouraged by the kindness of everyone there, and wanted to share with all of you a little bit of my mornin