boxes,boxes,boxes

Today I need to pack.....I want to pack, it means we get to go to our new place....but I am really tired.  I didn't feel good last night and still have the lingering headache today.  Caleb is entertaining himself with his train table (best investment ever!!!) but seems to think he needs to fill the void of sister being at school by chatting constantly lol!!  oh well, he has lots to tell me today!
I am good at packing, and purging, or purging and packing....but I just dont have it in me today....although once I get started I wont want to stop.
Ok, my coffee is gone, and I cant avoid the empty boxes any longer...off I go!  wish me luck!!

By the way, we are planning on moving our furniture sunday afternoon anyone available with muscles? we dont have alot of furniture since we are bringing over loads of boxes over the next few days...anyway, if you want to help let me know! we are thinking around 2:30 sunday afternoon.

sharing a post

Being that this month is down syndrome awareness, I wanted to share a post that another blogger friend wrote today.
I know that I try to make sure my kids are kind to everyone no matter how they look, or talk.  We treat others the way we would want others to treat us.....
I wanted to share this post from Deanna becuase it has some great points, as well as things to make us as an adult stop and think about. 
If you havent checked out her blog yet, head over there right now and do so. 

Here is the link to Teaching your children about disability.
http://www.deannajsmith.com/2012/10/teaching-your-children-about-disability.html

blog referral

I regularly stalk....I mean follow a friend of mines blog.  She is actually the reason I started blogging a couple of years ago.  Deanna has two beautiful, busy toddlers and writes really great posts sharing parts of her world with all of us.  Deanna has written an ebook which I have on my kindle, and its great. I just re read it a couple of weeks ago, and her openness and honesty as she shares some her darkest moment, and then again as she shares how those dark moments became bright is amazing!
She is having a give away on her blog, and I would really REALLY love to win, so I am sharing her blog info with you all, but contest or not, you should check out her blog, she is a much better writer than I am !!!! plus she posts lots of pics of her "twinsies!"

http://www.deannajsmith.com/

Smell that nice clean air!

Some of you know just how exciting what I am about to say is...some of you don't, and that's okay.

 Josh and I have been trying to find somewhere else to live that is clean,safe, nice, and wont cost  us a small fortune.....we thought that we had found a  couple of places, but decided that we were interested in them mainly becuase they were not in burlington, and we would not have been happy there for 1 reason or another.  We just didnt feel  they were right.  A couple of weeks ago we talked again becuase we were not finding anything out there for less than $1400 a month plus all utilities, to rent, .....so we decided that we would just  try to be content and stay where we are at least through the winter.  Neither of us were thrilled about that but felt it was the "right" thing to decide for now......

Then a couple of days ago I decided to just look and see if miraculously something decent popped up....and I found a 3 bedroom in essex jct......skeptical I decided to call and find out....It sounded decent and the guy was really nice. So we went and looked at it, found out some more about it from the owner, found out he would let us move in earlier for no extra charge......WE CAN HAVE A GRILL!!! it has a yard and a driveway for the kids to play.....

Josh and I were hoping that when we moved out of where we are we would be going to something significantly bigger, but that is not something that we NEEDED, it was something we WANTED.....

We talked about it and applied for this place. I emailed the app in last night and at 10am this morning I got a phone call that if we want it its ours and we can move in as soon as its ready (he is repainting all the walls, professionally cleaning the carpets and appliances,replacing the door on the shed...) We are meeting with him on sunday afternoon to sign the lease and determine the length etc...

Sooooo.......by November 1 (at the latest)  we will officially be residents of Essex Junction!!!!  I am so happy I am almost giddy!  Our new place is nothing spectacular, its a duplex with 3 bedrooms, a nice kitchen and a yard, but it is clean, the neighbors have kids, and have lived there for awhile, the landlord is great, and its 5 minutes from williston!!
Yes money will be tight for a few months while we adjust to a slightly higher rent, but its doable, and worth it!!  Just think of all the money we will save not having to buy candles and lysol spray just to be comfortable in our home  (estimate monthly cost was $20-$100 a month for air fresheners or candles) <----no, I am not exaggerating at all!!!

Tonight we are going to Friendly's for calebs birthday dinner, and then home to open presents...and then Josh and I get to tell the kids we found a new home and can move in soon!  I am almost tearing up with happiness and humility.

Happiness becuase we feel like we can give our kids a better home life, and becuase we will be out.of.there!!  Humility because I wasnt trusting God to provide what we needed when he thought it was time.  We had to be willing to stay where we were and trust that he would getus through the winter, and not until then did he provide us with a new place to live.

Of course now I will  be in crazy cleaning/purging/packing mode.....but thats ok.....although if anyone would like to volounteer to take my monkeys for a few hours some saturday I am pretty sure I would take you up on it!!!  :)

I optimistically gave our 30 day notice last night  and it felt soooooo good!  lol!!!

4 years old......

Tomorrow my baby will be 4.  I cant believe how fast time has gone.....

Four years ago I was planning out the next day, not thinking I would be going into labor on my due date.  We got up and went to toys r us to buy the most awesome double stroller ever, then went to my moms where she made me call my midwife to ask her opinion.  I felt ridiculous calling, I wasn't feeling anything and didn't want to waste anyones time.  My midwife sounded skeptical as well but since it was my 2nd baby and my due date (and I had had a TON of braxton hicks the week before) she said come on up to be checked....we got Athena settled at my parents went home and took a short nap (yep we did) I took a shower, straightened my hair, tidied up a little just in case I did not go back home...and headed to FAHC.  I didn't even take my bag in I really didn't think I was gonna ever have that baby....got all settled in a room and waited for my midwife  .....she came in talked to me and said "well I think we will be sending you home, but lets check you just so we know"

 She checked and looked right at me and said "you are not going anywhere you are 6-8 centimeters"  Whaaaaaaaat????  they hooked me up to monitors and an iv since I had to have antibiotics prior to delivery...apparently I was having pretty decent contractions but didn't feel anything......
after I was done with the antibiotics they broke my water...and then...all heck broke loose!  LOL!!  I could feel those contractions and they were insane! Oh, I need to make sure you know that they would not do an epidural because I was too far along.....I remember begging for Tylenol at some point lol!!
after a very short time Caleb was ready to be born.....3 pushes and my baby boy was born!!!  9 pounds 1 ounce and 21 inches long!  I don't have tiny babies for some reason :)  from the time we checked in to the hospital to the time he was born was a total of 2 hours....crazy.
And now, many,many ear infections, 2 surgeries, 1 ED visit, and lots of laughs we are getting ready to celebrate his 4th birthday!

Happy Birthday Caleb Steven Ralph, I can't believe you are 4, and I couldn't picture our lives without you. You make us all laugh with your crazy man faces....we love you!!!

The day can only get better.....

Today was one of the worst mornings we have had in a long time.  I used some advice/tried some different strategies that I received yesterday from someone, and while some of it worked, some of it made things a little worse, but that was to be expected.

Today I have to make a few phone calls gathering advice and support.  I love my kids fiercely and will do whatever it takes to help them with whatever they struggle with.  Right now my princess needs me.  Im not sure how she needs me, but I will do what I can to help her.  I am not looking for advice by posting this, I am posting this so that people know I am struggling.  I am struggling as a parent, struggling as a person, struggling as a working mom, struggling with lots of different variables right now.  Im not looking for pity either.  Just understand that if I dont seem quite myself thats why.  If I seem easily frustrated I am.
 I am exhausted in every single way someone can be exhausted.

I am working on things. I am working on myself.  I am working on helping my kids. I am working on contentment.  I am working on patience.  I am working on being a supportive wife.

Phew!  All that to say if you think of me or my family, send up a little prayer because right now we need it! :)

sometimes the truth hurts....

I am in a bible study that is about forgiveness ( there is some crazy irony to that, but thats for another post)....but it has started out with anger.  Yes the two are related, and yes it has made me see that I am not all that I thought I was.....I get angry....alot....over stupid things, over not so stupid things, and I need to stop it.   Yep its that simple, just stop being angry.....well if you happen to have those magic beans, please send a few over to me, because it hasnt been easy.
Mornings and evening are the worst.  Usually someone will wake up waaaaay before they are supposed to, and instead of reading or resting until 6am they like to come in and tell me they are awake.....ugh.  so that doesnt really help me to start my day happy.....Im not a morning person, but I dont really have a choice since my kids are morning people....and my hubby doesnt want to be a morning person at all.
anyway, I feel rambly (is that a real word) tonight.....I was starting to feel like a "bad" mom, frustrated more than I should be, trying to change or control things that in the grand scheme of things really doesnt matter, and feeling guilty/frustrated/sad etc... that almost daily there is a struggle to get my princess ready for school, and wondering if I really am the "mean" "stupid" Mommmy that I am told I am......

This morning someone else who also has a 6 yr old daughter was talking about her struggles daily and it sounded like she was describing my mornings!  It made me feel better knowing that someone out there is going through (sort of) the same struggles that I am.  Maybe Im not such a bad mom after all......Maybe we can help each other muddle through this and keep (most of) our sanity intact.

We are starting a sticker chart where each monkey can earn up to 3 stickers every morning( 1 for staying in bed til 6 1 for not fighting and 1 for cleaning up/not making a mess)....so far they are doing ok (its been 2 days) Im hoping that this will work, for all of us.

Josh is working super late tonight (inventory) so Im off to tidy up the kitchen, make some tea and probably head to bed somewhat early tonight....

Hope you all have a great week!

you get what you get and you dont get upset

For some reason that phrase seems to keep popping up in our house, and it seemed fitting for me as well.... We  made some hard decisions about the essex rental as well as a house in colchester that we liked. there were just a few too many negatives that made us decide to pass...we dont want to leave this place and for whatever reason be upset/disappointed about the "new" place....
all that to say that we are still looking for a place....we are hesitant to buy right now, and if we dont find a rental we will probably look to buy in the spring.  BUT if we find a rental that 1)isnt insanely priced 2)decent 3)has storage,some sort of a yard in a nice area    we will do that!  yesterday I spent pretty much the whole day cleaning.  I get like that sometimes, but I figured , we are here for however (hopefully not too) long so I might as well make it more organized so it feels less chaotic for the duration.  I was rather impressed with myself, and felt alot better by the end of the day.
So....local readers, if you hear of any rentals in the area..townhouse,house etc..(as long as it has its own entrance)  please let me know! We are still looking, and would LOVE to be somewhere new by christmas, but I realize that is pretty optimistic....I will keep you updated on our housing situation...thankfully I have found a recipe for potpourri that I can simmer on my stove (I need to go to goodwill to get a pot so I dont keep using my good one) and it seems to make a difference.....

10 years....wow...10 years!

Tomorrow is Josh and mine anniversary.  Its actually our TEN YEAR anniversary.  I swear the last 5 years snuck by us!

There have been many, many changes over the last 10 years...Im only going to list a few (the list will probably be longer than I initially am thinking, but hey, 10 years is kind of a big deal!)

- got married
-bought our first house....and learned many lessons in our 'money pit' but made so many memories....
-After a few years of trying, a scary but treatable diagnosis, we started the descent (or climb) into parenthood....and met our "princess", our "Junebug" Athena.
- a couple of job changes for both of us, and we  moved to our townhouse in south burlington
- Surprise! (well sort of a surprise..) we were pregnant again!  found out it was a boy..excitement!!
- 2008 Caleb was born, and life has been even busier!!
- 2010 after some disappointment, job loss etc....we planned a big change for our little family
-moved to delaware!  super scary, but such a blessing for us.  met some great people, and learned that I could handle things, and I got to be a full time SAHM....and I really liked it.
-2011 moving again.....back to VT! Good  job offers
- Athena started kindergarten....our "baby" was in school....when did this happen?!
-2012 Athena is in first grade and Caleb is in preschool, and I am 1 year away from being 35....I guess I am officially a grown up!  :)

So there are lots more things I could list, but I dont want to bore you with  potty training, losing teeth, car accidents, gerbil murder....

Tomorrow I will celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary.  Did I think things would be different. Yes. Am I disappointed that things didnt turn out how I thought.....not really. I do wish we hadnt had to go through some of the things that life dealt us, but those things made us stronger individually and as a couple.  Do I want to change things? yes (housing is top of the list!) Do I love my husband? Yes. Do I love my kids? Yes.

I would love to say tomorrow night we are going out, and having a real date, going to a movie, getting a sitter, but the truth is Josh has to work semi late, so I am getting outback to go, and the kids will be in bed by the time he gets home so we will have our dinner and a movie "date".

I dont have any pictures on the computer of our wedding...Im going to see if I can find one and get it scanned to facebook tomorrow...we looked so young!  :)

selfish? why yes I am

Yes I am selfish, There are days when I feel like I give and give and do the things that everyone needs, but then when I get a second to stop I realize what have I done for me?  When was the last time I got to go out shopping (other than groceries) by myself, when was the last time I got to go tanning, or get my nails done, or <gasp> drive home by myself after work?  hmmm.....then I start getting frustrated and feeling like poor me......yes this is wrong.  yes this is selfish.  yes I am a mom, and I love my kids more than anything, and would never change that, but sometimes, there is this small little voice in my head that tells me how horrible things are and how deprived I am becuase I dont go out .....with anyone....I dont have a babysitter that I 1)can afford   2) trust enough to put my kids to bed 3)can afford   4) well Im sure there is a 4, but I cant think of one right now.
Then there is the "issue" of our home.  I hate it.  I have learned how to make it be as nice for us as I can, but becuase I hate so many things about where we live I dont like people coming over.  Yes, that is pride, yes I know it could be alot worse. but still, its hard sometimes when I see other friends who have houses with garages and basement, and a yard, in a nice neighborhood.....then I come home to my smallish apartment, with horrible neighbors, in a not great part of town, with no neighborhood, no yard, none of the things that I always though I would be able to provide for my children.......sometimes the weight of reality just sits a little too hard on my shoulders......
Ok, positive things, becuase if I end this post on all the things that bum me out I will be bummed the rest of the night.
1) we are all healthy, we have somewhere to live, we have food in our cupboards (and will have more if I ever get to the grocery store)  JOsh and I have good jobs, our kids go to a great school ($$$) my parents are able to help watch the kids when Im working, we have cars that run, family that loves us, and plenty of candles to burn to make our place smell homey.
So in closing, yes I am annoyed that I never get a "day off" to do whatever I would like, but I am a mom, and I have 2 beautiful,funny smart kiddos that love me, and someday I know I will be missing these days......I have a friend who blogs and it sounds like she has been having a rough time too, granted she has two toddlers (God bless her!) but at least I know Im not alone on the not so good days.

sometimes pictures are just easier :)

I have yet to make sense of things that are going on lately for us....so instead I thought I would share some pictures that show what we have been up to lately.....

 getting hair done for a friends wedding

 best hairdresser ever!!!!

 beautiful flower girl!!

 bub being entertained by the ipod before the wedding

 our little family

 daddy and his princess

 me and Nancy  <3 her!!

 loving on grammie frincke's dog  Barbie

hello....yes I am still here

So I think that I kind of left people hanging a few weeks ago with a rather vague post....anyway, this will also be vague, but more out of lack of time than anything.
I felt like I should at least check in to let you all know that I am still here, just been overwhelmed with alot of different things...mostly life, and honestly have been in kind of a bad mood and didnt want to seem overly negative with a whiny poor me kind of a post.
I am feeling better about.....well life in general so I promise to post later today, or this week, or this month (new month this gives me 30 days to get a post in without feeling guilty)  :)

Condensed post: we are still (DESPERATELY) looking for somewhere decent, clean, near williston are to rent. being that today is the first we would LOVE to find something this week and give our 30 day notice and start packing and planning our exit from here.
School starting has been a HUGE adjustment for athena (and me) and we are still working on it.  Caleb has been doing great at preschool, thankfully, thats one crisis averted. Josh and I are loving our jobs, and will both be able to relax when we find a place that is big enough for us to live, and yet still affordable.....

anyway, I will post later, I have pictures, and stories, and thoughts to share with you all, but right now need to get showered and head out to get groceries yes my days off are just that exciting :)