sort of an explanation....

so I haven't posted in awhile because I havent felt "good" mentally....I have been "grumpy" according to athena, and just working through alot in my head....while this post isnt going to make any sense I felt I needed to at least let people know that I hadnt fallen off the face of the earth or something  :)

I have been very busy and stressed out  (more in a later post) and just dealing with life......

anyway, I promise I will post later and more things will make sense....bear with me.....

Christmas Eve

Wow! I really can't believe it is already cmas eve! We have had a great couple of days...really enjoying the fact that Josh has had the last couple of days off.  Lets see....we went to the mall and grabbed a few last minute little gifts, had LOTS of play time- poor daddy keeps getting tackled by two monkeys!- went to an awesome christmas store and looked at dozens and dozens of decorated trees, wreaths, trains etc...., went to waffle house, looked at christmas lights, and had a couple of super fun baths complete with lots of splashing, and making daddy very wet!!! :)

It has just been so nice to be able to spend this extra time with Josh, as well as watch him with the kids. I am so proud of him. He has come so far since Athena was born, and to watch him actually playing, and snuggling and just enjoying his kids, makes me tear up a little bit....I am so happy. This move has been so good for our family. It has not only brought Josh and I closer together and strengthened our marriage, but it has brought Josh and the kid closer....and I wouldnt trade that for anything.

My parents arrived in delaware last night and stopped here to see us (the kids) for a bit before going to my brothers house where they are staying....we didnt tell the kids they were coming. all we said was that after bath time we had a surprise for them......I wish I had been able to get a picture fast enough...the look on athenas face was priceless..she went totally blank at first, then shock,happy,excited,sad and then  leaped into grammies arms. so sweet!!!

well, I need to go now since my children are now awake, well 1 has been awake, but tv was entertaining him :)
Tonight we are going to a candlelight service at our church, and I am actually excited about it!

Merry Christmas!!!!

blessings!!

So after my trip to vermont at thanksgiving time we realized that the tires on my car have pretty much lived their life to their fullest, and are not able to do their job anymore.....this was a very sad realizatrion because my tires are not cheap....the low end low quality sort of affordable tires for my car were $103 a piece which not include mounting and balancing...rough estimate is that it was going to cost us close to $500 for crap tires for my car.....so we were waiting, thankful that we live in delaware this year and hoping that maybe we can get another 6 months out of them.......(not smart, but really dont have any other options right now)
So Thursday night we talked about it again and Josh and I prayed about it...still trying to figure out we were gonna come up with $500.........
Friday morning I was looking on craigslist as a last shot chance to see if there were any....none.  So, I decided to post an item wanted ad....within 10 minutes someone responded that he had 4 tires that were in decent shape...not brand new (totally ok! )  but he didnt tell me how much...anyway, after a few texts and emails h said he would sell them for $85.....for all four tires!!!  then I didnt hear back from him.....yesterday not a word, so we figured that it was either a scam or he changed his mind.
This afternoon, I was kind of annoyed that someone would do that and just disappear so to speak, so I texted him asking him if he changed his mind, or what was up....he responded "sorry I was busy yesterday"   so I asked hm if he could meet josh at work since he is here til 5 today, he said sure.....again didnt think he would show, but about an hour ago josh called and asked me to meet him at work with the checkbook because the guy came, the tires were in good shape, and he was willing to take a check......for 85.00!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am normally not excited about tires or really anything having to do with a car, but these tires were divinely sent to us, and I cant wait to have them on my car!

peace

So, first of all I have to apologize for "stealing" the words to the song below...a friend of mine had it on her blog last week, and parts of it have just been going through my head, so I decided to post it  on my blog this morning...

Sometimes there are songs that just hit you.  For whatever reason they just resonate with something that is going on in your life, something that just happened, or even certain words strike a chord within you.  This has been one of those songs for me.  I think the words are awesome.  They are comforting as well as convicting. I also love the music that goes with the words.....so anyway, I am sharing this today, and I hope that it can comfort,convict,help.....you in some way.

Happy Monday! I am now off to make dough for sugar cookies!  :)

Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
’cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word revealsI’m not holding on to You, but You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don’t have to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

 

Directions...anyone??

So the other day I was feeling kind of bummed, and wondering if we what we were doing was what we were supposed to be doing, and feeling kind of discouraged about a bunch of various things...well, then I "talked" (texted/emailed) one of my good friends, and found out that she is also going through some things, and waiting on the Lord.....another email with yet another good friend and I found out she is going through some things as well......
Well, that was kind of like God telling me- Kellie, stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are not the only one going through something, and you are not alone. Call on me, call on your friends, and be there to support each other through these times.

I feel like I have been on a roller coaster that just wont stop.  I had such a great time seeing my friends and family at thanksgiving, and can't wait til I get to visit and see everyone again!  Then there  have been some things that have happened here that have made me feel like the roller coaster keeps going down, really fast....
but thankfully Josh and I keep managing to go back up and level off....for a little bit.  That being said, I am ready to get off the roller coaster and go on a different ride for awhile  :)

This year is rapidly coming to a close and I really cant wait to see what 2011 will hold for our little family...but I know that as long as we are together we can make it.....we've survived this long  :)

thanks...and giving

So today on the way to Church I saw something that I honestly dont think I have ever seen before....I saw someone standing at an  intersection holding a sign that said "hungry,need help"  and I have to admit that he did look legit...but what I saw next amazed me...I saw the driver in the car behind me roll down his window and hold out money for this man, then another person, and another person, in total 4 cars rolled down their windows and gave this man money, and each time, this man bowed his head to them,shook their hand and said thank you.

It made me think, how hardened have we become to this "panhandling" that we avert our eyes, and make sure our car doors are locked.  Or even mutter under our breath -probably gonna spend the money on _____.

I have to admit that I did check my door locks, but then after seeing these acts of pure generosity I was wishing that I had a little extra something to give to him as well.....

I am sure that some people would say oh it's just because it is the christmas season, thats not the norm......well, maybe it should be.  maybe we should look past our own issues or stereotypes and remember that there are people out there who have no other options, and need to stand on the corner with a sign asking, no begging for someone, anyone to pity them enough to help...

So, I just had to share that today. That is what I saw and I was convicted of my own actions....

starting to feel like christmas

So yesterday me and the kids went out and picked up an inexpensive artificial tree .  it said "6ft"....now I am not the smartest person in the world, but either my husband had a growth spurt, or they slightly over exaggerated the height of the tree!  But its ok because athena and caleb are enthralled by it- every time caleb walks by it he has to say "mommie,Bismas tree,Bismas lights...wow" and athena keeps telling me that it is so,so beautiful, and really that is all that matters.
So, again this year with money being insanely tight I am amazed that over the year while I was yard saleing, or perusing craigslist, or just plain getting awesome deals at stores, I have managed to collect enough things that everyone will have something new and/or fun to open Christmas morning! 
Today athena and I are going to attempt at putting some lights out on our railing out front...hopefully we can do it and it will look "so so beautiful"   :)
---->as kind of a sidenote, Josh and I would really appreciate your prayers.  We are going through some things, and waiting for direction and just knowing that other people are praying is very encouraging<------

I have been reading that VT has a TON of snow, and I never, ever thought I would say this, but I really miss being in VT.....it is freezing cold here, and there is no snow, and it just is so much harder to get into the christmas spirit ....I mean last week, it was like 50 degrees, and it just seemed very odd to see christmas decorations on houses......oh well....

so, today I have my pine candle lit and the house smells like a christmas tree, and later we will do some kind of baking, and then maybe a trip to the mall to wander and look at decorations....that should help  :)

Happy Holidays to everyone, and remember to appreciate even the tiniest things....like snowflakes, or christmas candles, or chocolate, or...oh YAY Peanut Blossom cookies that I can make and eat this year!!

not the best week .........

Ugh.. I am so far behind on my cleaning but last week we were all 4 down for the count.  It seems that we all had a lovely touch of the flu (?) or a really bad cold...either way I think we all thought we were going to die  :)
Seriously though, we were very unpleasant to be near, so probably good that most all of you who read this live very far away....although I would have cried tears of happiness if my mommy was here to help...oh well.
so I had been having an awful week, sick, no sleep, taking care of my family while still being sick...I was a mess....then this morning I almost stayed home from church- so exhausted, and athena is still a little sick, but I decided, no, we are going to go.  and I am so glad that I did!  Mr Dale and Caleb have a special bond, and the two of them had a great time in the nursery, while athena got to make a sun catcher in childrens church and she was so excited to show me!  Of course, I love my ladies class, and the music was such a blessing to me during the service.
So, tomorrow starts a new week, and I have three things I am working on:
1) sloooooow to anger, and try to get frustrated so easily
2) put in a little extra play time with my kids
3) be a supportive and understanding wife
===========================================
Phew! Now that I wrote them down, it feels a little less likely to accomplish all three.....but I can keep working on it!

Now, the kids are nestled snug in their beds, so it's time for Kellie to snuggle with Josh  :)  Sorry, poetry and that stuff just isn't one of my skeeels.  :)

Have a wonderful night, and a restful week!

whirlwinds.....

so, yeah, things  never seem to stay dull or mundane in our house....Josh and I have been having looooong discussions lately about some things (some of you know what, others don't yet) and we think we may have come to a point where we have a plan....before anyone reading this makes any assumptions here are a few reassurances:

I am not pregnant, and do not plan to be

Other than these lovely colds, we are all healthy

The kids are doing great

Josh and I are doing great- never better actually

Oh, and the dog is annoying, but fine   :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just when we think we have a "plan" we hit a bump....the latest one:

my "job" ended unexpectedly yesterday

and without warning.....not that I made a lot of money, but it did make a difference.....

(--Thankful that I had already finished Christmas for everyone, or else it wouldn't happen this year....)

The other shop that just opened isn't doing as well as they thought.....this is leaving Josh and I feeling a little
anxious about the safety of Josh's job.....

---Thankful that Josh decided to call my dad and talk to him for almost an hour last night looking for "fatherly advice"....this was a big deal for Josh, and I am proud of him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So this post might feel somewhat disjointed, and for that I am sorry, I am feeling pretty crappy- this cold is kicking my rear end, but I needed to post, it is what saves my sanity sometimes...yes I have a journal as well, but this feels more like I am talking to someone, really a bunch of you, and it is therapeutic for me......so if it doesn't make alot of sense, I am sorry...if you have questions, feel free to post a comment, or email me....
So, some of you might be asking, well, what can I do for you right now?  Pray. 
Pray for:

Direction and Understanding

Restoration of our health

Peace of mind

I think that those would be the top three right now.

Thanks for reading this.....Have a lovely day!!

frustrated

So this post is a way of venting today...last night I got a phone call from my hubby who is still in delaware (couldnt take time off of work)
He was calling becuase he had an odd visit- within minutes of Josh walking in the door (at 7:30pm) someone was at the door...it was a local pastor who was asked to come to our house to "see if [we] were really saved, and invite [us] to his church"  this was really odd, and the pastor was rather in your face Josh said......I am confused as to why this happened, and why the people who sent him didnt just give us a call first to see what church we were attending....
so anyway, just had to vent for a minute....now I am going to go play with my kids and my nephew

vacation.....

so I impressed myself on thursday when I loaded up my monkeys, turned on my gps and drove from delaware to vt....and I did not get lost!!  (I also managed to stop before Canada!) <-----that was for my brother,long story, for another time!
It has been so nice to be here at my parents and watch my kids snuggle up with grammie and read stories, or get chased around the living room by boppie....and it is only going to make leaving on friday that much harder.......
I have not really had a chance to "rest" since I got here, have been trying to see everyone, and go everywhere ...so this afternoon after our hair appointments I think I just might take a little nap when Caleb does  :)
Tomorrow night my brother and his family will be here, so that will be fun! My mom will be in her glory- both kids, all grandkids etc.. will be with her under 1 roof! And I am sure that as excited she will be for us all to be here, she will breathe a nice big sigh of relief when we are all gone! 3 kids 4and under can be a little crazy! (but fun of course!)
Yesterday I went to church, and it was fun to see some of my friends, and loved my welcome from my sunday school class! I am sure that the new (well new to me) couple that was there was trying to figure out who the heck I was and why theresa and claudette were so happy to see me! LOL  oh well :)
I even got to go out last night with someone who has been a friend for...well we will say 20 years, and I love how no matter how long you are apart there are always some friends that you can just pick right up where you left off like you were never gone!  Tomorrow I am going to visit my work friends/"moms" and say hello to them....
so now I am off to get ready for the day!  Happy Monday everyone, and in case I dont write again before Have a happy thanksgiving!!

Monday Monday

So today I am having a rough day....not an emotional day, but a rough day. I am exhausted from the last few days of little sleep- from being up with athena who has been sick- and then doing our regular schedule during the day.  On top of it my girl is not the most pleasant when she is sick (unfortunately like her mommy) and today she has just been flat out rude and demanding...which of course I am not letting slide, but man, it is tiring dealing with the meanness....
anyway, I am trying to get things done here as well since I am leaving on thursday, so yeah I am trying to be super mom today and it just isnt happening....LOL!!!
so now that my brownies are done and cooling I am going to go snuggle with my girl and watch a movie...maybe it will help both of our moods!  :)

This is a picture that athena drew yesterday- she is an amazing little artist- it is a spider in a web

And this one I just had to put in because it was just too funny!  Yes that is my son naked holding a paper plate over his "man parts"  LOL!!!!

catch up

so it has been a few days, and I have no real good reason why I havent been posting...just been really busy I guess :)
I have been doing alot of baking and freezing so that Josh will eat while we are gone next week, and trying to have stuff in the freezer for the first couple of days after I get back as well....it has been fun and I forgot how much I love to back and create in the kitchen. with Joshs past couple of jobs I havent been making nice "big" meals as much becuase it was pointless for just me since my kids are unfortunately rather picky eaters they tend to not eat alot of the things I make....I know,Iknow, that is for a whole other blog another day  :)
I have made corn chowder, bread, pimpkin cookies, mac n cheese, making a big pot of chili today, a mini thanksiving dinner for all of us wednesday and then a turkey stuffing casserole as well.....been lovinng it!
caleb had his 2 year check on wednesday along with a few shots- he was mad but did fine, and athena was able to get hers as well, but since she was older they gave her the nasal spray- we opted for this since she is so afraid of needles etc she did ok getting it, and of course there was the minute chance that she could get a little sick since there is a "small amount of live virus in the nasal" well, guess what.....she got sick. yesterday she had a fever, stuffed nose etc...we were up a few times last night (me and her) and then she was up nice and early this morning- I decided to stay home with the kids so that athena can get rest and fluids and hopefully be better so we an still go to vt thursday......please pray that she gets better and I dont get sick or else there will be alot of disappointed people this weekend...
so, today will be very low key and I will probably get some more baking done....as well as take a nap since I am ridiculously tired today as well.

Blessings....

Hi!  So this past week has been interesting to say the least. Josh and I have been talking about lots of different things...all good (I think) so dont anyone get worried :)   But it has amazed me at the  way the Lord works in people to bring them to the same thinking without the other knowing....sorry if that sounds incredibly vague....
Josh had a meeting at the new shop saturday after work, which was a bummer becuase he wasnt able to come with us to alexanders party, and he ended up getting home REALLY late. so the next morning we were talking and he is being promoted! He is now the shops managing service writer, and will be getting a decent pay raise to go with it! This is exciting becuase he has only been there since july and this is his second raise, and obviously first promotion in less than 6 months! This will be a HUGE help financially and will give Josh so much more experience and options when and if he decides to look for another job he will have so many more qualifications!  He is pretty excited about this, and it just seems to solidify for us that this IS where we are supposed to be right now.
He is also going to be getting paid for all the extra hours that he put in getting the dover shop ready. we knew he would get paid, but that money is "extra" and will pay for me and the kids to go to VT  for thanksgiving without having to use any of the money already budgeted for bills.


I have been looking for a basketball hoop for caleb for christmas, but brand new is pretty expensive so I started looking on craigslist, and still used ones were like $20-30 which isnt bad, but used...come on.  well, yesterday I pulled up toys and saw someone had one listed brand new for $10 OBO and they live right down the road from me! so I called him up and asked what the lowest was he would take.....short version I got it for $5! when I got there the guy had a bunch of other boy toys in his garage that he was selling and he asked if I wanted anything else.....I o course WANTED to take everything, but that would have been a bit excessive....I told him I had $20 so I got the hoop, an awesome wooden car ramp thing that came with cars and ton of extra stuff, a bunch of boy dress up stuff, a remote control tonka car, a toy semi, and that pretty much filled up my car!  Josh was so surprised when I got home and showed him, and he laughs at how I am able to find such good deals on stuff!
So I have already got Josh a cool gift-a punching bag,gloves,brackets etc- from craigslist, so now all that is left is athena....No, these things are not brand new, but it is what we can afford, and honestly except for the fact that they are not in boxes, everything looks like it is brand new!
So anyway, these things were exciting to me, and made Christmas a little more exciting....now to figure out what to do for a tree, real one are really expensive here, and I dont want to buy a fake one......we will see there is still time to decide on that one!  :)
Happy Monday everyone, have a lovely week!!
*************Additional Blessing!!**************************
Just after I posted this, Josh called me, and said he needs me to pull all his paystubs and go through them because Robs (his boss) accountant had not been adding his overtime as time and a half so they are going to go through everything and will be cutting Josh a check for the difference that he was not paid....Just when we start getting worried about finances and working on solutions the Lord comes through and takes care of it...why do we worry about things? we should know better by now!!
:)

there is hope!!

So, once my little man was asleep, he stayed asleep until about 5:30 when he tarted hollering for "mommmeeeee"   I didn't get him and he went back to sleep for a little longer. I went and got him at 6:30 and that is when our day stated...it is getting better and I can't wait for him to be done "trianing" and have this be the norm.
THe good thing is he will take an early nap which will work great since we are going to christopher and julies for aelx's birthday party this afternoon!  can't wait, it will be fun.  off to get ready!

12 minutes

Yep- tonight my stubborn little man refused to actually lay his head down on his pillow.  He was literally half asleep but would not lay his little head for fear of me leaving the room.......well, after I covered him up and said prayers I of course left the room.  I don't know for sure, but I think he actually jumped off his bed and then ran to the door, only to find that he (again) could not open it....made me laugh cuz he then kicked the door.
Anyway, tonight was better, tomorrow night should be even better......we will see if my boy has a voice by the end of the weekend.....

sleep training......at 2?!?!?!

So yes you read that right.  My awesome sleeper has become an evil little man!  My boy that used to go in his room and ask to go nite nites, now has full blown yelling,screaming,crying, head banging and foot kicking "fits" when he is put in his bed.

Mind you, this does not occur at all for his naps- he happily hugs tigger lays down and snoozes- apparently he turns into someone else at bedtime.
The past week he has been going to sleep ok-minor yelling- but waking up 1-3 times at night and only staying asleep if I was in there, AND waking up at 5:30 for the day.  Then last night he morphed into this evil little man, yelling and screaming.  waiting. yelling and screaming. waiting. head banging. kicking the door. waiting. crying. waiting you get the idea :)  Each time I would go in there, give him a hug and put him in his bed. he would lay silently until he heard me move and then all over again...for an hour! then, he slept all night and woke up at 7......so, tonight will not be fun for anyone, except athena who sleeps through it all! but by the end of the weekend, that boy will be a good sleeper again, even if it kills me!  :)

So, I am getting ready -mentally- for my trip in a couple of weeks. me and my monkeys will be driving to VT for thanksgiving.  It will be fun,can't wait to see my friends, athena cant wait to see her grammie and boppy, and caleb, well he will be happy pretty much doing anything!  Praying that there is no snow the day I have to drive there and the day I have to drive home.  I have to take Joshs car because it needs some work done that was warranteed in vermont and they will do it while I am there....
So, think of me and my son tonight as he learns to go to bed all over again.....he is smart and stubborn which is not too bad normally, but at bedtime it is not so great.  ..........
Enjoy your weekend, have fun and be safe!

A pink pony and a green dinosaur!

Well, after days of waiting ever so patiently athena FINALLY got to put on her pinkie pie costume and go trick or treating!  She was sooooooooooooo ridiculously excited it was almost funny!  I will admit that I got a little annoyed with the constant asking.  :)

Caleb, was a dinosaur...not a dragon because "dragons have wings mommy"(athena)    he was so funny every time we asked him what does a dragon say he would crouh slightly, kind of waddle and growl at us!

Last night was fun, but I felt really old after getting home, getting the kids cleaned up, ready for bed and asleep...Josh and  I were ready for bed!  sadly, it was only 9pm, so we watched tv for a bit and then felt justified in going to sleep around 10!   sad I know......we are parents now....    :)

coincidence.....I don't think so

So, last week I was going through stuff and making piles- sell, keep, donate etc... There was a pile of some things that I felt worth posting on craigslist....so I did.  A few days later I planned to meet someone who wanted to buy 9of all things) leftover piddle pads for dog training! we met at the wawa and started talking..long story short, she lives about 10 minutes away from me, just got laid off and is home with her 4 year old son...we decided to meet at the park sometime and she gave me her name to find her on facebook..... looked her up and her profile listed religion as "christian-baptist"   so I emailed her and asked where she goes to church etc.... she doesnt have a set church and is excited to have someone to go to church with...this was really cool to me...someone, my age, who seemingly has the same views as me, with a kiddo who is one of mines age....we are planning to go to church together next week. .....While this may seem like nothing to some of you who follow me, this was a big deal to me, as well as an encouragement that I will meet new people and that this is exactly where God wants me and my family to be right now.

A new woman!!

Well, After posting yesterday and then chatting with my mommy on the phone I decided that when the kids were in bed I was going to go out (after Josh got home or course!)  So, my silver lining was that athena fell asleep at 6:30 -she was REALLY tired!- and caleb was asleep by 7pm so when my hubby got home a little after that we chatted for a few minutes and he sent me out the door to have fun.  I went into dover and explored their once upon a child, found some things for the kids that they needed, and then since it wasnt even 8pm I decided to find the walmart.....I wandered in there for a bit, picked up a few things that we needed and then decided to go home.  I felt 40 pounds lighter after.  I know that might not make any sense to some of you, but by the time I got home, I just felt like myself again. I thanked my hubby for understanding and "letting" me go out, and he said "don't worry about it, I know you need time to yourself too"  We are both growing through this move and I am so happy that it seems we are growing together.  I will be honest the first couple of weeks, I wasnt sure, but we worked through that, and I am trying and I know he is trying and we are seeing the evidence of that  :)

So anyway, this morning when I woke up (at 5:45AM!) I was happy to see my little boy, and thankful for the snuggle time alone on the couch with him instead of resentful that I had to be up before the sun.

So, that was my lesson-don't wait until you feel like the world in closing in on you before you tell your hubby, and get some alone time to recharge your mommy batteries  :)

I am looking forward to today with my kids, I am thinking about taking them to this place for  a halloween game time for kids......if not there are plenty of other things that we can find to do in this nice sunny place  :)

Enjoy your day, enjoy your kids, and enjoy your time!  Happy saturday  :)

so, I am sorry that I haven't been posting daily, I know that a few people have said they liked my blog, but please keep it going...so sorry, I am working on it! :)

I don't have anything overly significant to write about, but I have been struggling the last few days with lots of things. Mostly all inside my own head which is the most dangerous!! Because I have been home with the kids, money is much tighter than we are used to/planned for it to be etc...so we have been adjusting to living a little differently- not that we spent money all the time or even frivolously but now we have to really pay attention to where our money goes.  So, I have been feeling .......well....guilty isnt the right word, but best describes how I have felt I guess.....I am bringing in very little income watching Leah, but yet I am bringing in something and for that I so thankful! It not only gives athena someone to play with, but it helps us out financially too!
I want to go to VT for thanksgiving, I am going to vt for thanksgiving, but it isnt looking like Josh will be able to come with us.  He doesnt think he can get the time off d/t opening a new shop in dover, and other work stuff.....I am a little nervous about taking the kids that far in the car by myself, espcially since I have never driven that far myself, let alone with my kids.....so that is of course weighing on me........
I dont' know, I have just been feeling really tired, and melancholy lately, and with joshs schedule I haven't had a break or "me time" pretty much since we got here.  Dont misunderstand, I LOVE my kids, and I love spending time with them, and I am so very thankful for the Job Josh has, but being that my parent are in vt, I havent been able to call them and just say hey can you watch the kids for a couple of hours so I can get some errands done, or take a nap, or whatever.......again, not complaining, just saying........
so, we went to the pumpkin patch/fall festival again yesterday and painted more pumpkins, athena loves that!!  and it was a great day! we played outside with the kids, went to mcdonalds for lunch (a special treat from daddy) played all afternoon, and all in all it was a great day---usually those kind of days make me feel great and look forward to the next day, but all I wanted to do was go to bed. I made myself stay up and watch tv with Josh, but by 9pm, I had to go to bed I was so tired......no, I am not preggers as some of you might be thinking right now......I think I have just overspent all my energy along with fighting off a virus, and I am of course missing my parents, and friends who are all in vt, wishing Josh could get out of work early today to spend more time with us, but knowing that he can't....
some days I just really feel alone and isolated.....especially the days ironically when I watch leah becuase I cant go anywhere when she is here.......
ok, enough, I am going to go watch a silly movie with the kids so we can laugh and have fun before lunch/naps.......

Why am I so tired????

Well my mom and dad came to delaware thursday for the weekend, and it was nice to see them, and watch my kids happy faces as they got to spend time with their grammie andboppie....thursday they arrived here around 4pm and hung our and we had dinner with them before they finished their trip and went to christopher and julies house....friday me and the monkeys went to delmar to hang out with them as well as my bro,julie and alex- which was fun, but I was soooooo tired that night when we got home!!  Saturday me and the monkeys went to the store to get a few things for the party, then came home and cleaned and decorated for the little mans party...I think I blew up 50 balloons! we had them scattered throughout the main floor and the kids had so much fun I should have video taped them!!!

Mom and dad stayed here saturday night to save an hour or so of travel time sunday morning, and of course the kiddos had a blast playing  on it and climbing it...I really do have monkeys!!! 

yesterday we recovered :) and athen and I spent the afternoon cleaning up while caleb napped...then when Josh got home we carved pumpkins!!!

Athena was so excited, but then when she realized what she had to touch she decided to watch instead! :)




Today is BEAUTIFUL!!!! there is a lovely breeze blowing through my house (yes most of my windows are open!) and even though it is supposed to rain later, I am loving this!!! But man I am still beat!!  Hopefully tonight everyone will sleep soundly, and alllllllllll night long!!

And again, I have to apologize for the pictures....it is so weird, they have been rotated and are correct in my photo file, but when I put them on here, or facebook, for some reason they flip around!! 

more honest than I meant to be

Ok, so I know it has been a couple of days, but I have been busy, and at the end of the day just too tired to sit and write about my day  :)
So, today, well this evening we are having another party for mr caleb....my parents are here, and christopher,julie,alex and aunt diana will be coming over so it will be fun! yesterday I got to spend a little time with my brother and sister in law which was a nice treat- they are really busy and stuff so we dont see each other as much as we would like, but still more than when we were in vt!
so today I have already got some cleaning done, been to the grocery store, and done a few other things...I am ready for a nap, but no, not today....still have to bake brownies, finsih cleaning,do a little laundry,and of course decorate for later..oh yeah, and get dinner started for everyone!  Please dont take that as a complaint, I love that I am home to do these things, I am just struggling with my daughters attitude, and it is emotionally draining for me day in and day out...she really has a mean streak in her that at times, I will be honest, I want to smack out of her, but I thankfully have some self control!  I pray about this both by myself and with her, but I just havent seen a change, she is mean to caleb-flat out mean, and trys to be mouthy to me....I know this is hard for her and she misses her grammie, but that is not an excuse for bad behavior...how long will this go on??  I think I struggle more with her becuase her and I are so much alike that we but heads anyway....
ok, well I have rambled on longer than I thought so, sorry....if any of you has advice, I am happy to read what you have to say.....
I will post pics and stuff after tonights party!

............

so, I wasnt sure what to title today hence the dots.....  anyway, today was a dark rainy day, but there were quite a few silver linings:  caleb slept all night and woke me up at 7:25 this morning, Athena woke up early, but entertained herself, my daughter is an insanely awesome artist! seriously, this isnt just mommy talk, I am amazed at what she is able to do, met new friends at storytime, as well as a sweet lady who genuinely cares about -me-, ........
Sometimes, I just am completely overwhelmed by how much I love my children. Feelings that I honestly never thought I was capable of bubble up and surprise me!
I am feeling emotional tonight, not in a bad way, not in a good way, just emotional.  possibly because my parents are coming for the weekend, which will be great to see them, and wonderful for athena, but I tend to worry and of course I worry how my girl will be after they leave.  She loves them so much and this separation is hardest on her, poor little thing, sometimes she just breaks my heart, and now that I have started writing about this, I am tearing up, so enough of that!
We bought caleb big boy undies the other day and he loves them......as long as he doesnt have to wear them you see, he prefers to be naked, completely and totally bare....he even has a little dance that he will do when he has stripped off his clothes...I am slightly concerned about this but since he is only2 wont get too concerned yet :)

so tomorrow will be a day of cleaning and such. that way I can enjoy friday with my kiddos and saturday with the family!
ok, gotta run, Josh is wondering what I am doing, and he has even found something on tv that I like! :)
G'nite!

happy birthday my baby boy!

So today at exactly 9:01pm caleb will be 2.  I can't believe it has been 2 years since he was born. It really seems like just yesterday we were at toysrus getting double stroller in complete denial that I was actually in rather active labor at the time.  I won't bore you with the whole day that he was born, but I find it amusing (now) that I had to be told by both my mom and my husband "you probably should call your midwife..just to be checked" and even my midwife was like, well you can come in but you will probably get sent back home....only to get up to L&D and be told I wasnt going anywhere because I was 6-8centimeters and almost completely effaced.....this was at 3pm on sat october 18,2008.....I had to be on antibiotics for a few hours and then they broke my water and 3 pushes, a punched nurse (I am told I did this) and a pale Josh and Caleb was born!  Many,MANY ear infections, 2 sets of tubes and more falls than I can count, brings us to today.  :)

It's funny,  I never would have agreed with people that gender makes such a difference in their personality but now that I have 1 of each, it is so true!  Athena is my goddess (appropriately named) and is high maitenance, while caleb is laid back, easy going, and just pretty much does whatever he is told....for the most part.....it is just a funny concept to me.
so anyway,have a nice monday!

So, for some reason when I upload these pictures, the turn.....
                                                                 getting ready to eat the cupcake...

First taste

                                                           His "big" present...a 4 wheeler!!!

                                          and for some reason, when we were done opening presents, he decided to                                                     take   off his clothes!! :)

my baby isnt a baby....

So yes I am a bit obsessed with the fact that my baby boy is turning two in...3 days!  But I am also excited. This morning Caleb was being naked boy...I should probably back up a little bit..while we have been kind of introducing the potty we have been letting caleb be naked, an activity that he REALLY likes, so whenever he gets the chance he will pull on his shirt and say "aked" which means, naked....:)  so anyway he was being naked boy this morning and I was on the phone with my mom when I watched the little man run from the dining room to the bathroom (all of maybe 10 feet) open the potty and sit down and.....pee!!!  all on his own without any prompting or me asking him...this was really cool! unfortunately shortly after that we had to get dressed and go outside, but I am looking forward to tomorrows naked time (only caleb is naked...I feel I needed to put that out there)  and see how he does!
So this afternoon after some playing I got a bunch of cleaning done, and I have to say that mentally I feel so much better when my main floor is cleaned.  the playroom is just that so not a huge issue, and the bedrooms are upstairs so not as problematic to me....so ahhhh floors are cleaned, carpets vacummed (sp?) dishes washed and drying (no dishwasher for me) table is cleaned off and you can actually see it, toys are back in the playroom......much better...and I just realized that I didnt have any coffee today....I did have a pepsi, but yay for me with no coffee  :)

so the heat is on

So, after yesterdays cold rainy weather we had to turn the heat on this morning.....not too bad considering it is halfway (just about) into October! Plus I am sure that it will be turned off shortly since it is already warming up in the house :)
Last night as I was getting groceries I was walking around the store -alone!- and it dawned on me that my baby boy will be turning two on Monday....Monday! 2!  where on earth has the time gone....seems likejust yesterday I was riding hay rides and doing everything possible to get him to come out!  LOL!!!  Oh well, I am sure that I will write a whole long book on his birthday.  I just thought it funny that even though we have planned his party, bought presents and decided on a cake it didnt hit me until I was getting groceries  :) probably cuz I was alone listening only to my thoughts!
Well, it isnt raining today so I think I will try to get some cleaning done this morning, and then we will attempt a park....there are at least 3 to choose from so maybe 1 this morning and then 1 this afternoon, what a cool mom I am!  LOL!!!
Have a lovely thursday!!

hey it actually feels like fall today!

So, today I was actually excited to get up and put on....jeans!!  I havent worn jeans since before I moved here, so at least a few months!  it is 48 and now it is raining, but I have to say it felt good to get out a fleece just to go for a walk with the kids  :)
So for soe reason my darling son decided he would rather be angry and rearrange his bedroom furniture last night instead of go to sleep, it took a good 2 hours before he was asleep, and then decided to do all this again from 3am until close to 5am....Grrrr......
so today I am a little tired....and of course this is the day that I watch Leah, ugh.  so since JOsh is home today I took the two girls to the playground, and caleb stayed in with Josh.
Now we are back home, and made it just in time since the rain has started -yuck- which means we are stuck in the house for the rest of the day...double yuck!  I love to be home and get things done, but at the same time I NEED to get out of the house and get that break .....I am trying very hard not to be frustrated with JOsh at this moment, becasue he has gone upstairs and is "resting"  I have been working hard at letting things go and not getting frustrated with the little things, but I could really use a nap, not that I can do that right now since leah is here, but still, I am a bit frustrated.
ok, enough of that, going to go and get a halloween projext ready for th kids to work on, I think we will make stickers......

the day after

So yesterday was our 8 year anniversary, I still can't believe I have been married for 8 years, and have 2 beautiful kids...funny thing is that it doesnt feel that long....
anyway, Since money is tight I wasnt expecting anything from Josh other than hanging out on the couch together and watching a movie, but he came home with a dozen beautiful roses and my favorite (fattening) ice cream!! he didnt have to do anything, but it was soooooooo nice to come downstairs and see flowers waiting for me.....it might seem like nothing to some of you , but the way finances have been the past year and a half Josh hasnt been able to get me flowers, so this was even more special to me,and they really are beautiful!  I of course made him a pumpkin pie- a different recipe than usual, and I have to say that it was eally good!!!
Today is JOshs day off, and we are going back to Fiffers orchard to play and participate in their fall festival. It is so much fun for all of us,and every time we go we each get to get a pumpkin ! we are getting quite a collection of pumpkins now! you can choose to paint a pumpkin or just keep it plain, if I can figure it out I will post some pictures of our personal pumpkin patch! :)
So, this week is going along nicely, and I am just hoping that today and tomorrow will be great family days for us!
keep you posted! :)

wow....8 years!!

so today is our anniversary, and it amazes me when I think about all the different things that Josh and I have gone through in our 8 years of married life....there  have been lots of awesome highs as well as too many lows , but through it all we seem to keep it together and still love each other!  We even have two of the most beautiful, funny kiddos ever who love us no matter what!!
Last year at our anniversary time Josh was out of work due to an injury and we were struggling just to get by, this year we are in a new house, new state, doing new stuff, and no we dont have extra money floating around, but we are able to pay our bills, buy groceries, and even get the kids  pumpkins at the pumpkin patch this year! And the most amazing thing to me is that I am not working!  Josh has been willing to try this out and see if we can afford for me to stay home and watch a couple of kids so that we dont have to worry about childcare expenses...and we are doing ok.......
So anyway, all that to say that wow! I cant believe how we are being taken care of  here in delaware, and I can't wait to see what the next year holds for us as a couple and as a family!

Monday,Monday....

So, this morning is not off to a great start....up most of the last couple of nights with my little boy....now he is coughing and I think it is either his ears or he has croup....I was all upset thinking I had to takehim to the Er becuase a phone call  last week to the new dr was odd and I was told they would not see my kids unless they had their records....so today when I called to check and see if they had received them I asked her what to do er etc...I was told oh no whoever you spke to was wrong we will see your child without records if they are sick, just cant do well checks!  well that makes perfect sense and I breathed a sigh of relief and now am just waiting for the nurse to call me back to schedule an appointmnet.....I am so tired, I feel like I need to sleep for a whole day to try to catch up!  The hardest part is that on one of these days my mom would have come over to hang with thena so I could rest, or to give me a break for an hour....but now I dont have that. I am not complaining, I am just realy needing that break and its hard. I will be fine, I am strong and the Lord wants me to grow here on my own and I know I will.
Today will be a struggle. tired mom, sick boy, and a very tired grumpy jealous girl.... after we get caleb squared away we will start working on keeping thena asleep and in HER bed past 5 am!  On the bright side there should be some good napping going on in our house this afternoon!!

so...here is how my morning was....

After postin this on my facebook page, it was suggested that I start a blog so, for those of you who missed it, this was todays post...I guess  :)

Hello again from smyrna delaware!  I was just so encouraged today at the church we went to that I wanted to share that with my friends....I had planned to go to this big baptist church in dover/camden area up until last night....I was googling churches that were a little closer to smyrna, a little becuase I am lazy and a little because, well I don't know, just because  :)  Anyway, as I was looking and looking, I came across a Christ Memorial BaptistChurch in dover....I was intrigued becasue I have been to a christ memorial in vermont and really like it, so anyway, at the last minute I changed my mind and my gps...within 5 seconds of walking in the door I was greeted by the sweetest lady who took athena by the hand and showed us where to go. Athenas teacher was friendly and had brought a snack so they were like instant friends! :)  then Sharon brought me to the nursery to drop of caleb, and there wasnt anyone there yet, so she went to another class, brought back coffe for her and I and we sat and talked until the nursery workers came in about 10 minutes later...
I went to the ladies sunday school where there were only about 6 of us and they are going through the study guide/book cultivating contentment and it was great! they even gave me the book so I can try to catch up for next week!  the service was good- this month they are talking about stewarship and it was encouraging to listen to this pastor...This pastor told me that he was an assistant youth pastor (or something like that) in new england around 14 years ago...and I guess he is from the Boston area so that was kind of neat too.,
so, anyway, I was just encouraged by the kindness of everyone there, and wanted to share with all of you a little bit of my mornin