selfish? why yes I am

Yes I am selfish, There are days when I feel like I give and give and do the things that everyone needs, but then when I get a second to stop I realize what have I done for me?  When was the last time I got to go out shopping (other than groceries) by myself, when was the last time I got to go tanning, or get my nails done, or <gasp> drive home by myself after work?  hmmm.....then I start getting frustrated and feeling like poor me......yes this is wrong.  yes this is selfish.  yes I am a mom, and I love my kids more than anything, and would never change that, but sometimes, there is this small little voice in my head that tells me how horrible things are and how deprived I am becuase I dont go out .....with anyone....I dont have a babysitter that I 1)can afford   2) trust enough to put my kids to bed 3)can afford   4) well Im sure there is a 4, but I cant think of one right now.
Then there is the "issue" of our home.  I hate it.  I have learned how to make it be as nice for us as I can, but becuase I hate so many things about where we live I dont like people coming over.  Yes, that is pride, yes I know it could be alot worse. but still, its hard sometimes when I see other friends who have houses with garages and basement, and a yard, in a nice neighborhood.....then I come home to my smallish apartment, with horrible neighbors, in a not great part of town, with no neighborhood, no yard, none of the things that I always though I would be able to provide for my children.......sometimes the weight of reality just sits a little too hard on my shoulders......
Ok, positive things, becuase if I end this post on all the things that bum me out I will be bummed the rest of the night.
1) we are all healthy, we have somewhere to live, we have food in our cupboards (and will have more if I ever get to the grocery store)  JOsh and I have good jobs, our kids go to a great school ($$$) my parents are able to help watch the kids when Im working, we have cars that run, family that loves us, and plenty of candles to burn to make our place smell homey.
So in closing, yes I am annoyed that I never get a "day off" to do whatever I would like, but I am a mom, and I have 2 beautiful,funny smart kiddos that love me, and someday I know I will be missing these days......I have a friend who blogs and it sounds like she has been having a rough time too, granted she has two toddlers (God bless her!) but at least I know Im not alone on the not so good days.