The Plan....

So, most of you know that my princess is not a good sleeper. She has never been a good sleeper, literally from the day she was born she would wake up multiple times during the night, which continued until she was about 2ish, she still will wake up 2-3 times a night for various reasons, and yet no matter how tired she is she will be awake for the day between 5 and 6 am like clockwork.  I have never had to wake her up for school, or anything else....this might sound odd, but I would LOVE to be able to be the first one awake in the morning and have breakfast ready when everyone wakes up, but my princess always is awake first...

I wont bore you with details of conversations, incentives, bribes, demands etc....that we have tried, all to no avail...
this year we changed pediatricians for her (she LOVES her new dr) and with that came new discussions/ideas etc...on how best to help Athena get the sleep her body needs...about a month ago we chatted with her dr and decided to have a consult with the pediatric sleep disorder dr.....who ironically is the dr that Josh saw when he was diagnosed with sleep apnea....anywho...

Today we met with him thanks to my awesome friend who got us in sooner  (Nikki you rock!!)  Since she already had her adenoids out this past summer his plan to start is behavior modification....basically we are going to make her body think it is being deprived of sleep, and once she is able to sleep more than a couple of hours without waking we will start to retrain her sleep cycles......Here is the part that makes me nervous:  Normally her bedtime is 7pm  --yes, I know that is early, but she is so tired and wakes so early that this has been working (sort of)--- and she is normally awake between 5 and 6 am.  Now the plan is to keep her awake/put her to bed later but still wake her up at 6am no matter what.
I am willing to try this, I shared my apprehension with the dr about this , and here is why:
1) with her current sleep schedule we (meaning me) experience extreme mood swings, unpleasant behavior, outright meanness,crying, fits etc...
2) she is already tired when she wakes up, and towards the end of the day.   keeping her up later will mean more/longer periods of unpleasantness ...
3) This is selfish, but the ONLY time I get alone to do anything is after the kids are in bed, and on the nights Josh works late, I get almost 2 hours TO MYSELF.....this will become nonexistent during this trial...and the selfish part of me doesnt want to go through with it becuase honestly, I NEED some time by myself....
4) I honestly dont know if I have the patience, calmness, energy and whatever else that I will need to go through the normal daily routine in our house (cook,clean,drop off,pick up, work, etc...)  and not lose my sanity.....Tonight I will let JOsh know about the appointment, and talk about the plan etc...I can;t do this without his help.  That might mean he will have to get up "early" on his day off, or a late day to help me, he will have to be patient and understanding with Athena while we are doing this, otherwise I dont think it will happen.
I know, some of you are reading this thinking...what is the big deal? Athena will stay up later, why are you writing a (rather long) post about it....well, lately I feel like I can't add anything else to my plate, I feel unappreciated, and like I am doing 99% of everything, so taking away my small space of time where I can be alone with my thoughts, decompress, sit at the computer, veg, or watch a grown up show on tv, stresses me out......
BUT- my girl needs this, and no matter what I will figure out a way to make it work for her, so she will feel better, and be more successful in life by learning these skills that for some reason her little body has not let her learn.
So....thoughts, ideas etc...definitely appreciated....if you see me at work, or church , or anywhere and I look like I might be going just a little crazy, dont be offended if I dont see you, or wave or smile....its nothing personal, I am just coping...and helping my daughter.

Happy Thursday!  I will post once we start this sleep training thing, and keep you all posted on our success (see optimism right there!)  :)

family day

Yesterday we planned to go to echo with the kids and explore and just have fun as a family.....It was fun, I wish that my other half would have been a little more into it, but the kids had a great time, and that is all that really mattered.
The cafe was not open (even though it said it was) so luckily I had packed a few snacks which held the kids until we were done for the day -yes, I know we could have left and come back after lunch, but that option was not thought to be best-  so we had a really late lunch/early dinner at papa johns after we went to echo, and then had banana splits for dinner/dessert at home ....all in all a fun day. the kids were sooooo tired it was kind of funny :)
I am definitely thinking about getting a membership so we can go whenever we want, and it wouldnt be a pain if we only go for a couple of hours ......we will see  :)
I know most of you already saw these on facebook but I wanted to share again....

in the kids play space, the turtle tank has a special tube so kids can see what its like...really cool!

playing on the sailboat in the playspace...really cool! I think the kids would have been happy to stay in this room for a few more hours!

in the frog section: the computer takes a picture of you and puts your face on a frog body...this is athena :)

the water sensory area...super fun...another place the kids would have  loved to play  for alot longer!

calebs turn to be inside the turtle tank

the kids made animal masks after learning about mammals etc..they had fur from all different animals, as well as skulls for the kids to touch and look at, and at the end they made masks...athena is a red fox and caleb is a black (and a few other colors) bear.



Since I forgot my camera yesterday these were taken with my phone, which actually didnt do too bad a job....today is a baking day, and a cleaning day......possibly a play date later this afternoon, but if not then we might head out to play in the snow.....happy wednesday!

sick...tired....whiny.....

So sickness has "blessed" our family...Caleb started with a little stuffy nose and fever, then Josh got sick...he went to the dr to find out he had the flu...of course by the time he went he was at the tail end of it , and was basically almost better....thankfully I had nicely kicked him out of our bedroom on monday becuase he was keeping me up with his cousghing and thrashing...so that is one less room I "get" to disinfect....Athena so far has been healthy. She claims it is her baltic amber necklace that is helping her...frankly I dont care what it is as long as she stays healthy :)
Yesterday I woke up feeling cruddy...slight cough, headache, ridiculously tired...of course I would have loved to climb back in bed and sleep, rest etc..like my other half got to do for 2 days....unfortunately moms dont get sick days, so since josh went to work yesterday afternoon and had to work late I decided pizza delivery would be dinner. I just didnt care, didnt want to clean it up, didnt want to convince my kids to eat whatever I made...pizza is easy they like it...
Then after the kids were in bed, I made some tea, and climbed into bed to read for a little bit...hoping to be asleep nice and early.  I did get to sleep early. not as early as I would have liked, but still earlier than usual....

Anyway, I am basically complaining and whining becasue I am frustrated, and tired, and wishing that I didnt have to be the one to do everything all the time. to be the one who makes sure food is on the table, clothes are clean, kids are bathed, homework is done, kids get dressed and ready for school, kids get to school etc.......

Maybe that will be my mothers day present......probably not....but a girl can dream right?

reward system

A friend of mine posted a new reward system that she was doing, and it sounded interesting, and like something that I could actually manage to do!  we modified what she did a little, but here is what we came up with.
Each child starts with $2.50  in dimes in their jar. If they are disrespectful, disobedient, or unkind then they lose a dime.  This goes on for 1 week, and at the end of the week we count up the dimes and they turn them in for dollars or "real money" as caleb puts it.
This system has worked for us so far in that I dont feel like I am yelling as much.....instead, if one or both of them is being nasty all I say is thats 1 dime, or I just walk over and take 1 out of their jar....they dont always handle that well (there has been crying, screaming, and a couple of "your mean" directed at me, but its making a difference) but they are getting better, and thats all I was hoping for.  It's a simple system, and it can be modified however best suits your family.  we started at a smaller amount just in case they did super great, we want to be able to afford to keep this up :)  but also becuase we didnt want it to be just about the money.....anyway, here are a few pictures from the first week that we did it, so far its helping behavior, and thats all I was hoping for :)

These are the jars. The flower on in the middle is athenas, the one on the right with a car on it is calebs and the one on the far left is the "lost" jar.  where the dimes go when they are lost.

counting up dimes at the end of the first week

diligently counting

athena was not overly happy with her results....but it has motivated her this week to try a lot harder!  She ended up with $1.60

caleb doesnt understand it all as much, but he was happy that he could turn in his dimes for "real money"
he ended up with $1.90

Worn

I first heard this song a couple of weeks ago, and it brought tears to my eyes....it was describing me perfectly...I have been tired, and worn, and feeling empty....He tells how this song came about---he has two small kids and he and his wife were getting little to no sleep, and as he was leaving to go to work his wife grabbed his arm and said "I'm worn..." he went in and said they had to come up with a song about being worn to help encourage others.....  This song reminded me that we will have seasons like that, but that we are never alone. God is always there, he hurts when we hurt, but he can give me the strength to  make it through another day.
So here are the words to the song Worn by tenth avenue north:

• I'm tired 
  I'm worn 
  My heart is heavy
  From the work it takes to keep on breathing
  
  I've made mistakes 
  I've let my hope fail
  My soul feels crushed
  By the weight of this world
  And I know that you can give me rest
  So I cry out with all that I have left
  
  Let me see redemption win
  Let me know the struggle ends
  That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
  
  I want to know a song can rise
  From the ashes of a broken life
  And all that's dead inside can be reborn
  Cause I'm worn
  
  I know I need 
  To lift my eyes up
  But I'm too week
  Life just won't let up
  And I know that You can give me rest
  So I cry out with all that I have left
  
  Let me see redemption win
  Let me know the struggle ends
  That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
  
  I want to know a song can rise
  From the ashes of a broken life
  And all that's dead inside can be reborn
  Cause I'm worn
  
  And my prayers are wearing thin
  I'm worn even before the day begins
  I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
  I'm worn so heaven so come and fluid my eyes
  
  Let me see redemption win
  Let me know the struggle ends
  That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
  
  I want to know a song can rise
  From the ashes of a broken life
  And all that's dead inside can be reborn
  Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
  Though I'm worn 
  Yeah I'm worn

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  Now Playing: Worn
  Artist: Tenth Avenue North
  On-Air: Larry & Lauren
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  Forgiveness 
  Matthew West 
  Into The Light
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