hurricane Irene....

short and sweet....hurricane irene as of right now at 8pm tonight, has been a disappointment. just rain. lots and lots of rain.....although now as I am typing this I am hearing the wind starting to really take off....
I am hoping that athena will have school tomorrow because she will be so disappointed to not get to go to school.............anyway, not to sound so negative, but I was kind of hoping that we would experience a minor hurricane just to say we experienced one here in vt, but its probably for the best......we will see in the morning  :)

my black cloud.....

Well, I am not really sure what to say tonight.....I have been feeling like there is a big black cloud hovering above my head and instead of it going away, it seems to just get bigger and bigger....
Last week was athenas first week of kindergarten and she did great!!! morning time wasnt super smooth, but we managed to get ready and to school on time every day so that was good.  Josh did something to his back (10 yrs ago he herniated 2 discs in his lower back so they always kind of bother him) to the point that he called and set up a chiropractor appt and dr appt for himself...thankfully he never missed any work, and hopefully they will set up a cortizone shot for him and hopefully it will work ....
I feel like I havent slept in weeks, which is odd becuase most nights I go to bed by 9 cuz Im tired. granted I dont usually sleep through the night becuase someone wakes up needing something.....I just feel completely overwhelmed and honestly, and I dont even want to admit this becuase I know its not good, but I am happiest lately when I am at work. I laugh, I have fun, and I actually dread the end ofthe day when I have to go home.....My kids are always fighting with each other, I feel like as much as I work at cleaning the house, it doesnt get or stay clean, Overall I just feel like I am failing at being a wife, mother,daughter, friend etc.....

one proud mommy

I have been kind of absent from blogging for a few days, but I have been busy getting myself and my daughter ready for schoool to start. In her words all weekend the "big event is almost here"...well, it came today and she was so excited! If only we were able to keep some of that awe insired excitement for things we would as a whole be a much happier well balanced society....but any-who....
Last night we picked out her outfit, packed her lunch got her backpack ready etc....this morning, she woke up at 6am and was so proud of herself for sleeping that long (seriously, thats a big deal!!) and was so happy to get to watch some of her movie while I hopped in the shower....when I came out of the bathroom she was all dressed wearing an ear to ear grin of pride.....they ate breakfast, brushed teeth,did hair--->complete with a special back to school hair bow....(one of the 43 bows we got in michigan)
then we headed downstairs to get on shoes and take pictures....well, apparently I was only allowed to get 3 pictures in. and that was a struggle! my girl doesnt like pictures!!
we dropped off little brother at grammies, and then I walked her in to "the big event"  she was so excited, and it was such a mommy moment for me....parked my minivan, got my girl out, held her hand all the way inside, ofund her hook and cubby, put things away, walked in the classroom, received a greeting from her teacher, found a friend and some toys, and (thankfully) remembered to give me a hug and a kiss, and off she went.......it was a blur, I was kind of hoping that she would cling to me, or look at me and say I will miss you so much mommy....but nope, my independant little girl was in her element, and I was so proud of her!!!
noon. I left work a little early so I could pick her up today,and was greeted with a "Ohhhh already mma?"  granted it would have been nice to have her say MOMMY  and run to me, but this just shows how well adjusted she is, and she did a great job packing up the rest of her lunch and headed out to the car with me....talking the whole way aboutwhat she learned and did...but "mom, Mrs K. [her teacher] didn't teach me any math....the first grade got to learn math, but not me"  I love it!!  the first day ever of school and she is upset that she didnt get to learn math.....LOL!!!
well, we will see what she learns tomorrow...maybe some math.....maybe not. either way I am so filled with pride and love for my not so little girl!!!!

song for today

Ok, so I have heard this song three times today and felt that for some reason I should post it....maybe someone out there needs to read what I have been hearing all day  :) 

                                    Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
                                                                  The chains of yesterday surround me                                                            I yearn for peace and rest
                                               I don’t want to end up where You found me
                                                 And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight                                 I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
                               And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
                      But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
’cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me againIn the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals

I’m not holding on to You, but You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don’t have to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

 

changes.....ready or not here we go!

well, it seems that this summer has been my time to grow up.....we bought a mini van, and <cough,cough> I like it! I really do! :) My baby girl is going to kindergarten. Now we have been back and forth (josh and I) about where to send her....we visited private schools, non traditional schools, public schools etc...but decided to save money and send her to publuc school this year....
you would think that is the end of the story, but nope, theres more........she was placed at one school and then the following week there was a shooting on the same street as the school. well, I called and had her moved to one of the other burlington schools, and was a little more comfortable with that....still had no clue how to get her to school, caleb to daycare and me to work all in time, and then the same thing at the end of the day......but we figured we were not the first parents with 2 kids to have to make this work, so we kept talking about it and stuff.....then the last couple of weeks, we started talking about sending caleb to preschool in williston when he turns 3 (this would be the preschool that I was in charge of for a few years) then we started talking about sending athena to that kindergarten, after all it is in williston and would be so much easier for us....but, for personal reasons I had said no. there was no way I could deal with certain parts of her being at that school.....well, long story short, we looked into it, and found out we can afford it, and I have to suck it up and do this because she is our daughter, and it is the best place she could be this year.
Since this decision was made this weekend (nothing like waiting til the last minute!) both Josh and I have peace about our little girl going to school....we have both felt so anxious that I honestly didnt know howI would make it through this school year!
So, the peace has made us realize that we made the right decision, and when we told athena, she was so happy, in fact her exact words were "thank you mommy and daddy, I wanted to go to a christian school"   insert knife and turn it a little more. nothing like a 5 year old to convict you huh?!!!
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My grandfather (my dads dad) has been in the hospital, now I am not sure everything, but basically he has been having problems with his heart, and during a CT scan they found a mass near his lymph nodes, and some other inflammation....basically it doesnt look good.......so I dont know what will happen now. they live in florida but all of us grandkids, greatgrandkids and kids live in vt....it would be nice if they were here so we could see them, and its not like I can just buy plane tickets, so we will see what this next week brings.......for all of us!

20 teeth!!!

Today was dentist day.  The kids both had appointments and this was calebs first official visit.  Athena did an AWESOME job and was so excited to hear that her teeth are starting to get ready to be loose (ie:not ready yet but it made her happy!) and that she had 20 teeth!  very very exciting!!!!
Caleb watched the whole time taking in everything and seeming ok with being next.....then it was his turn....not so excited  "mama, I dont wanna open my mouth.....no not my turn....I wanna go home..."  so, he got to lay on me in the chair while they counted his teeth and applied flouride....he cried the whole time, and it lasted maybe 5 minutes!  as soon as he got to get up he stopped crying and went to pick his prize   hmmmm.....oh well,
the dentist is awesome, and so patient and kid friendly (it IS a pediatric dentist) and made athena feel like a big BIG girl and didnt make caleb feel silly for being afraid.
Oh, and Caleb has 20 teeth too!!!  Crazy!!!!
so now we have new flossers, and toothbrushes to try out tonight :)

1 whole week...well, almost!

So I have been a minivan mom for almost 1 whole week, and I have to say it.....I LOVE my van!  <cringe>  I know, my good friend that tells it like it is told me that I can count on her to mock me since I always said I would never ever drive one......yep, gonna have some great comments from her aboutthis post, but seriously, my stroller fits, the kids have space, there is a dvd player, the kids have space, it has a back up camera...the list could go on, but I digress...
seriously though, does this mean I am a grown up? I guess married with two kids, and now a minivan kinda makes me an an adult :)

Yes, I still miss my green audi a4 with power everything, 5speed, moonroof, tan leather interior......yes, that was a pretty car, but now I have a husband, and two beautiful kids, and they are so much more awesome that that audi....seriously, I mean that......really its true, plus audis are really expensive to repair :0)

Before anyone thinks that I am seriously comparing my family to a car, I am not, that was my slightly off sense of humor trying to be funny....

I do love my van though!!!  :o)

poor me.....wanna join my pity party today?

Ever have one of those days where it feels like everyone else has a better life??  ok maybe not that drastic, but it seems as if they have the better kids, better husband, bigger house, better car, easy job, kids that sleep etc.....
Well, today was mine.  I know, its not right, and it never helps anything, but for some reason I read something that one of my friends wrote on the facebook wall, and it just set me into a poor me mood......usually this doesnt happen to me. usually I am able to pull myself out of a funk, but today, I just couldnt, and it seemed that it got worse, not better.
So, please dont judge me, but I am going to put in writing all my "poor me's" and then I am hoping it will be out of my system...I do want to say before I start that I do love my husband, and kids so much and even though I whine, I wouldnt change anything....well maybe a couple of things...  :)
I want  to be able to work out regularly, knowing that my husband supports me by watching the kids so I can.
I want to be able to sleep in once in awhile and let Josh get up with the kids.
I want to be able to complain about being tired and then just go to bed, instead of wait to put the kids to bed and then relax and sleep.
I want kids that go to sleep without "help" (ie:sitting with them, rubbing backs etc...) and then sleep all night without having to come in my bed, or room...
I want everyone in my family to get along and respect each other- understanding that nobody is perfect and we all have our crazy days, but we are family.
I want to live in a house that is in a neighborhood that has a yard, and a driveway.
Iwant childcare to work out....
I want to live in essex/williston/south burlington
I want to go on outings with my hubby and kids becuase its fun and we all want to do it...even if its not something we  as an adult like but we do it for our kids.
I want to find a church that I am comfortable at. where I am accepted for who I am now, not who I was 20 years ago.
I want to win the lottery  :) (I don't play so it might be a challenge)
I want to lose 20 pounds and keep it off.
well, there I actually do feel better having got all that out of my head and onto my blog, of course now all of you have read this and may feel somewhat negative now....sorry.....I get like this sometimes. like I said I do have so much to be thankful for:
my husband who works hard , beautiful,healthy children. an affordable place to live, family that loves me, friends, a job, a new van, sunny weather that gives me a nice tan, 2 air conditioners, and there are more things, I just am getting kind of tired now......
so anyway, thanks for "listening" and if anyone wants to regularly watch my kids so I can work out, or whatever, let me know!  ;)

my two aquatic animals...

hmmm..... rereading my title makes it sound like I have water animals at home, but no, I was actually referring to my children...  lol!!!
My kids have always LOVED water. baths, lakes, pools, sprinklers, puddles , you name it and they will splash in it.  Well Athena has been dead set on learning how to swim, but we havent been anywhere where the water is deep enough for her to really swim without cheating....until last weekend. my aunt invited us to her house in south hero and we went, and athena started doing some "swimming" with a life jacket on....then with water wings....we went back on wednesday with josh and she was swimming back and forth with only water wings and jumping in the pool on her own....then yesterday we grabbed my mom and went back and she was swimming from one end of the pool to the other without any floaties...(yes she had on flippers) and was so proud of herself!! I was proud of her too!!!
Now, there is caleb. He has never had ANY fear of water, and since he was able to walk would just jump into a pool hoping someone would be there to catch him (many,MANY heart attacks on my part!) well once he saw his sister jumping in the pool without anyone catching him he had to do it too! He of course had a life jacket on, and would jump arms and legs out into the water and come up every time with a HUGE grin on his face! He then would face plant the water--->almost dead mans float for a minute and then pop back up again with a big grin....he would "swim" all around the pool following his sister, and they had so much fun!! Did I take any pictures of ANY of this??  Nope.  Left the camera at home.....Grrrr.....Oh well, I guess that means we will have to go again and maybe, just maybe I wont forget the camera at home!!

free find for the day!!

For those of you who know me, you know that I have a slight obsession with craigslist....I have found some really great stuff on it and I love that I can find awesome stuff for really cheap :)
well today I randomly was looking at the free stuff and there was a listing for a bag of tupperware...I called and spoke to the "girl" and decided to go get it, even if I got one or two things it would be worth it because it was free....so we headed to the house and I met the "girl" out front.  side note: why am I putting "girl" in quotes you ask....well her name is jenifer but when I got there "she" was a "he" with ponytails, hightop sneakers, black miniskirt, earrings, and no top teeth...iiiiiiiinteresting...ok back to the real story...
she had a huge garbage bag of tupperware and a box of tupperware and some other goodies....I thanked "her" and left, but not before athena asked me "mommy, is she a boy or a girl?" that was an interesting conversation in the van!!! :)
Anyway, after we sorted through my goodies, we had a huge pile of bowls,containers, tuppersilverware, collander,plates...and even some things for my mom too!!  super exciting!! and it was a great price.....FREE!!!!  and we met an interesting person as well!!!

whatever wednesday

last night, my kids for some reason unknown to me decided that they didnt want to go to sleep....finally around 9:30 they both fell asleep laying in bed next to me. I know, I know, not the best parenting move, but I was so tired that I just didnt care. I probably would ve loaded them up in the car and driven around if I wasnt so incredibly exhausted.  why you ask? Honestly, I have no idea. I have started a new medicine, which causes drowsiness so that could be contributing, but I just havent been sleeping that great lately.
Then, thismorning I thought hey, maybe the kids will sleep a little longer since they were up so late. Nope. they were awake by 6 and playing untl a little before 7 when they apparently couldnt last without me any longer :)
Josh was off today and he had planned to make breakfast, which he did...not so good for the weght loss I am attempting, but still the bacon and eggs were delish  :)
The kids were both incredibly grumpy and unpleasant this morning which really put a damper on my day...and of course beciase part of the plan was to have them snooze on the way to my aunts house, they both chose to stay awake.  grrrr.....so much for a quiet ride to the islands.....
Josh and I had a blast with the kids in the pool....they are part fish, I swear they must be!  athena is learning to swim and loves it and she is so brave!!!
on the way home after a few hours, the kids stayed awake and did pretty decent...but they were so tired that they hardly ate anything for dinner...and now both are sound asleep and its only 730.  unfortunately I think josh may have fallen asleep in athenas room, since hes still in there and its been over a half an hour  lol!
Tonight I am going to bed early, in the hopes of having a good day tomorrow...I have to get some cleaning done, and then we might head back to my aunts for a swim, or maybe the park....I dont know...we will see, but it will be better than this morning thats for sure!!

I have been having alot of trouble with athenas behavior: attitude, general unwillingness to do anything that is asked of her....anyone have any ideas, advice, encouragement? I feel like all I do is discipline her, and I am seeming to be lacking in the skills needed to raise up my little me the way I should......

monday maturity.....can it be I am growing up?

all right, I am going to make this quick because I am tired, and still have a few things to do before I can relax and head to bed..... tonight I officially became a "minivan mama".  yep, after those of you who have known me forever pick yourselves back up off the floor, I will explain.....
So, yes i am the girl who said I woudl NEVER EVER drive a minivan no matter what....well, two kids later, and a need for a new vehicle, and I find myself buying, and even slightly excited about this new minivan.  It gives us so much more room for the kids, and has the cool back up camera (maybe I will back up more often now) as well as dvd and cordless headphones for the kids. Plus TONS of storage/stow and go space...I could literally sleep in there , there is that much room!  LOL!
It is silver and doesnt have every option we could have had, but it has what we need, and thats whats important.
I had to laugh when the salesman started telling us about the deal with the vans, because one of my friends also just bought a minivan and she seems to be loving it as well!!  I guess that means my friends and I are moving into that next phase of our lives where we all drive minivans....and you know what...I think I am ok with that!  :)
gotta run, but cant wait to "play" with my new van tomorrow night after work.