sharing

Ok, so it has been awhile, and honestly, I just was feeling like since no one commented that no one was reading and I just kind of took a break....not to have a pity party or try to scam comments, just sharing...
anyway today someone posted something from their devotional and it just fit for me lately, and I thought, you know I should post that to my blog...maybe someone else could be encouraged by it as well...so here it is:

Life can seem like one continuous "to-do list" at times.

Yet God desires that we would step back from the everyday routine of life, and thank Him for the life we have been given. Every day people pass on from this life and forever end their time on earth. Yet God has given us breath and strength to live another day. He has given us life.

Thank God for giving you another day to serve Him. Thank... Him for giving you the strength to get out of bed this morning. Thank God for the breath you breathe, and for His gracious mercies in your life.

Also, don't waste the life God has given you to live; don't take for granted the time God has given you on earth. Keep focused on His plan for you (to point others to Him) and determine that no matter what you do today, you'll make good use of the life God's given you. Glorify God today with the life He has given you.See More

time change....ugh!

NOrmally, I LOVE the fall time change, it gets dark sooner, snuggly-ish weather, you get an extra hour of sleep (potentially) just all the things that make fall so awesome to me...
Yesterday and today, I have felt so tired and run down....partly I think my body is recovering from taking care of sick kiddos, being sick myself, and then lack of sleep while caleb is readjusting to sleeping in his bed, and yet still having nightmares....
all that to say that today I need a nap, or a maid, or a cook, or a personal shopper to get my groceries....any of the above, but most of all I want my hubby to be home.  He works til 6 which means hes not home til 630, and I SHOULD go out and get groceries when he gets home, but I am so tired today I think I will just relax and snuggle with him...we have enough stuff to last us a few more days....
anyway, I promise to have a more upbeat post later in the week....  Ona positive end note...caleb did great at preschool last week, and I love my job! my coworkers are not as fun as "tisty" but I didnt realize how much I missed working at fahc...kind of like a breath of fresh air...cheezy I know, but it makes me happy!
gotta run and get dinner going....1 hour and my hubby is home!  yay!!!

sick,sicker,sickest

I am tired. I am coughing. I feel icky, I was up most of the night ( I should have called you Amy we could have chatted)  lol!!
I managed to get myself to work, get an errand done, make dinner and even cookies for dessert.  All I want to do is go to bed......I am watching my kiddos "dance" and play with balloons they are so funny!
well, this was a quick post, maybe tomorrow I will feel better and will have something profoundly awesome to write about, or I will just write about our day!  :)

happy wednesday!

my sick little monkeys....

so we had what is becoming our weekly trip to the dr today. athena has a sinus infection, somehow she always ends up getting one. which is awful for her, but at least she can get meds and get better.....it baffles me though. she has been tested (last year) for allergies and has none. yet she gets these sinus infections almost monthly.  when we were in delaware not 1 cold, not 1 sinus infection...puzzling.
athena got to spend the afternoon baking and hanging out with her grammie today. it wasnt fair for her to be stuck at home doing "nothing"  while caleb is so needy right now. she definitely had a great afternoon and I am happy for her...peanut deserved it!  I just love that little girl so much! but it scares the snot out of me how alike her and I are!!
my little boy, he is a sick little boy, and I hope I get some sleep tonight.  as far as something specific he is fine....he has had a high fever running between 99 and 103 since last week. he has eaten a handful of crackers, 1 yogurt, 2 bites of a banana, a slice of apple, a bite of pizza and thats about it....since thursday.  today I managed to get him to drink 1 sipper of juice this morning and 1 cup of choc milk for dinner...and he peed twice. sorry to those of you who get squeamish with bodyily functions, but I feel the need to  write about all this cuz it helps to get it out of my head....i stress a little less this way.
so tomorrow morning  I have to call the pediatrician to give them an update on how caleb is doing, and what if anything is better or worse....and they said we might have to bring him in daily to weigh him and check his hydration....I feel bad becuase he is sick and I have to go to work tomorrow, yes josh will be home with him, and can take caare of him, but anyway, thats my problem, and I will figure it out.  I am thankful for Josh and his awareness of how exhausted I have been.  he made a bunch of calls today at work to try to get someone to cover for him tonight so he could come home and help me...unfortunately no one was willing to help him, but I was so touched that he tried to do this to help me, without me asking....I know some of you out there have hubbys that do things like that regularly, but this was a big thing for me....anyway, my hubby should be home soon so I should probably go warm up his dinner and get off the computer  lol!!
hoping to share happy positive news tomorrow about my little man!!

sick house

this has been a rough week.  It started with my girl getting "the virus".  and then sharing it with all of us.  My boy turned 3 tuesday and spiked a temp the next day. this "lovely" illness has stuck around and made my little boy very sick. he has eaten only a few things over the last 4 days and drinking barely enough to keeo himself hydrated....also he is silent. literally.  his throat hurts and so he just doesnt talk or play or anything...so weird.
on a more positive note. my girl seems to be feeling better. thankfully she is going to school tomorrow...
I hate it when my kids are sick.     I just want to take away all their hurts and make everything ok again, but unfortunately that isnt the reality. So far so good. both kiddos have been asleep for over an hour and havent heard any peeps....maybe it will be a decent for sleep. 
On a completely different note. I just watch most of the new show once upon a time....different, for sure, not sure how I feel about it...anyway, gotta go to bed who knows what the night will hold for me! :)

where did my baby go?

3 years ago today...almost at this exact time we welcomed our "little man" into this world.  He didn't waste any time and was born nice and quick  (3 pushes) ....I remember Josh and I commenting that if we literally didnt see him born we would have wondered if he was really ours...super white skin, blond hair and big blue eyes...not exactly what we were expecting seeing as Athena looks just like me! 
Since being born Caleb has lived in 2 states, 4 houses, had 2 surgeries, 1 ER visit, 2 dogs, and 1 awesome big sister!  :)
He is my happy go lucky little boy, who loves everyone in his family, and was so excited this morning to wake up  "I 3 now mama?"   and then mad when we dropped his sister off at school and he didnt get to stay " I 3 now, I can stay at school"   :)
Tomorrow we are having a little party with playgroup hopefully the little man will be somewhat social....then saturday mom and dad are coming over for pizza and cake...not bad for turning 3! 

I still can't believe how blessed Josh and I are. we have 2 beautiful, smart, funny, (usually) happy kids who love us so unconditionally......we have our boy and our girl, and yes some days are much better than others, but I would not trade what we have for anything.

Happy Birthday my "baby" boy. I love you. and cant wait to see what this year will hold for you!

tuesday

Today was supposed to be my last day at  Evergreen, but due to circumstances out of my control I ended up having to call out to take care of my kiddos....After picking up athena we went to buttered noodles to play and check out their "goodies"  my boy had a complete meltdown so we had to leave (thats the rule) we went home and rested for a little bit and then decided  to head to the apple orchard and get some apples and cider....sooooooo nice outside today!!
After that we had to stop at big lots for a few things, and then we went to the park for a bit....thankfully I had planned a crock pot dinner anyway so we got to stay at the park a little longer :)  we got home and pretty much ate dinner, and headed up for bath time....then the kids kind of fell asleep...not a tough evening for sure! ;)
tomorrow is playgroup and I can't wait!!!  Then tomorrow night athenas got a bonfire thatwill be really fun...hopefully I can get caleb to snooze so he can come with us  and actually stay awake  :)
Happy tuesday everyone!!!

what a great weekend!

well, I have to say that last week was rough...but by the end of the week I was working hard at making a serious effort to be happy and gentle.  Saturday was lovely...yes it was rainy and gloomy, but me and my monkeys stayed in our jammies all morning, and had fun coloring and playing....later on we went to costco and everyone was happy :)  it was a "thumbs up day" <---athenas description of the day.  sunday was also nice. the kids slept and we went to church, then my moms for lunch,a little apple picking with grammie and boppy, the park and then home again to play a little before Josh got home from work.
This morning was nice a smooth.....I had to wake up both kiddos to get ready to go and drop offs went well.....work was boring and made me feel useless and unecessary, but thats ok...tonight we went to visit my friend who is having another surgery tomorrow....I hope that this surgery will take care of the infections and she can start to really recover......
anyway, I am determined that this will be a good week!  How about you? what are your plans for the week??

finally friday!

SO if yo have been reading my posts you would know that I have been struggling with my girl lately....well, this afternoon she was wonderful! We had some attitude pop up, but it went away pretty fast, which honestly, I needed. I worked this morning, and was almost hesitant to go home, but now am glad I did  :)
Today was her 6 week progress report for school, and she got S or S+ in everything!! and an O in showing reverence for Gods word...pretty cool!  by the way S=satisfactory and O=Outstanding...anything else was "negative" so I am thrilled that she is doing so well. just reinforces our decision for private school...
Tomorrow I am off...And I promised the kids we would stay in our jammies, and snuggle since we dont have to go anywhere unless we want to tomorrow!!!  I Sooooooo need this...hoping for a super fun day tomorrow...unfortunately my hubby has to work, and we are so thankful for all the hard,long days he puts in for us!!!!  LOVE YOU JOSH!!!!

we are all ok :)

 feel after my last post that maybe I should explain myself a little bit....First off I am ok, and I have been talking to someone about my "issues" and we have a plan....I love my kids, and would never trade having them for anything, and I am very proud of my hubby...I have been struggling personally with some things, and he has really stepped up and I am proud of him! :)
Monday was probably close to one of the worst days I have had in a very long time.  I lost control with my kids, and went in to have a horrible day at work, came home and just couldnt wait to go to bed and have the day be done.
Yesterday morning was much better...I was calm, my girl was calm, and  the boys had a great day together, I cam home to supper simmering, dishes done, and the house in some sort of order....
This morning Josh took the boy to my moms for an hour while I went to HR for my health screen...pick up my girl, and went to visit a friend who is home and recovering from surgery...it was nice to talk to her and let the kids play for a bit...
Every day gets a little better , so dont worry about me I am working on me the best way I know how (along with help from some professionals)  :)

All right, this may be a slightly random post, but its been awhile since I posted, and after reading various posts from my blogger friends, I am feeling a bit sheepish with my lack of posts.....
-my birthday was last thursday,and it was so fun to open the gifts from my girl....thoughtful,sweet gifts, that SHE made and picked out...my hubby spoiled me with not one,but two vera bradley bags...one has since been put away for christmas, and I am pretty sure I will forgot about it by then! :) we went out to lunch, relaxed at home since it was a rainy day and then had cake and ice cream with my parents...a lovely day.
- I officially gave my notice last week and am really excited to start my new job oct 3! I wish I could go back to upeds, but this will be a new chapter, and I will make new friends, and hopefully still stay in touch with my bff's at heavergreen! :)
-I have been struggling so much with my girl.  I know at times she is still so very jealous of her little brother and it is not easy finding that balance, and showing her just how much she is loved, and that no one will ever take her place in my heart. this weekend I made a point of taking her out twice, just me and her, and we had fun! nothing fancy, we went to the dollar store and then goodwill....both places she loves to wander and look at things, and if we find stuff its not expensive :)
-I have a temper. nothing new to most people, but lately I am set off really easily.  I have been short with my kids, and my hubby. then yesterday at church the topic of genleness came up in sunday school....it was like being smacked in the back of the head. I am not being gentle, and I know I need to.  I just feel so overwhelmed so often that my gentleness flies out the window...so any of you who read this, if you have any, seriously, ANY advice for me, to be less overwhelmed, and more gentle I would love to hear from you...seriously.   I am feeling like a "bad mom" and its not a nice feeling.
-I need a mom-cation....I know I have said this before, but I feel like I am slipping down a hill towards a pit, and at times I am moving way too fast!  I have a friend with 2 little kiddos and we are going to try to swap babysitting to give each other breaks once in awhile, but with JOshs schedule, and her hubbys schedule I have no idea how we are gonna make it work....but we will do our best, or die trying  lol!!!
anyway, my boy is asleep (I woke him up accidentally so I had to resettle him) so now maybe I can spend some time with my hubby before going to bed...tomorrow is a new day, and I have a fresh start again ...thank goodness!!!!

1 less car...and other changes

So today was one of those days....my kids were stinkers during the night which resulted in a little girl who has bad dreams snuggled literally in my armpit, and a little boy who appeared and was crying for candy in his sleep ....ugh! 
The day at work was insane....started nutty and stayed that way.  we have two new people who are doing an awesome job and learning the stuff really fast, but they have questions and we want to explain things to them so they learn, and that just means other things take longer.  Not complaining, but again, just adds to the craziness.  It was really busy both phonewise and peoplewise, and it felt like we didnt get a chance to take a breath until lunchtime.  needless to say I was happy to go home at 5.
BUT I didnt get to go home after work.....I got to meet my little family at the car dealership...normally it would have been a bummer, but I was picking them up because the dealership bought our maxima from us outright.  This was exciting because it means  1) we now only have 2 cars   2) now only have 1 car payment 3) we got more than we owed so we can put some money in the bank and make the next tuition payment for athena.
Then my stubborn little man didnt want to fall asleep tonight. my girl, out like clockwork at 7:30....the boy....8:40 before he fell asleep, and then woke up again randomly for a few minutes.....hopefully I will only have to share my bed with my hubby tonight, but we will see.....
Also, today at work I gave my notice.  I was offered a job at fletcher allen and I accepted it. I start there oct 3.  It will mean more changes but in the longrun I think they will be good.  caleb will go to preschool on the mornings I work, and then my mom will watch the kids for a few hours until I am done at 5, and 1 day a week both kids will get to stay all day at school.....It means letting go on my part and letting someone else teach my monkeys, very qualified teachers, but still......
anyway, now that lunches are packed, kids are sleeping, flowers were ordered for my friend in the hospital, hubby is watching football, so I am gonna go snuggle up to him and hopefully fall asleep soon...who knows what tomorrow will hold for me!!!

remembering the tragedy

Ten years ago but yet I still can remember exactly where I was, what I was doing and who I was with when I heard that there had been an attack on one of the twin towers.
I was teaching at The Howard Center, we were outside on the side playground, and I was helping a little boy climb up the ladder of one of the climbers. Judy came out and told us to take the kids back in to the classroom immediately, there had been an attack.......
I remember getting a phone call from Josh checking to make sure I was ok since I was working in a state building...and then the parents coming in frantically to get their kids and head home to make phone calls to friends and family who worked in or near the towers...a few of my students lost family /  friends in the attack.
I remember getting home from work that night and just watching in amazement and shock as they played over and over again the images from earlier in the day.  Hearing the numbers that were lost. The list getting longer and longer as the hours and days went on.
Praise the Lord, I did not personally lose anyone in the attacks, but it still amazes me the stories that we hear. People who were thought to have been killed, found..people who should have been on one of those flights, but weren't...people who were running late for work that morning, and so survived...The way that this horrendous tragedy brought people together....Overwhelming thankfulness for the fire,rescue workers that risked and gave their lives to try to help others....Thankfulness to their families, and Heartache to the spouses of those workers, who became widowed in an instant, children who have had to grow up without mom or dad ....so many people were touched by this tragedy.
I will always remember that day.......where were you? what do you remember?

what's up?

Hi there!
It seems like forever since I have posted, and I feel lik I have all these thoughts running around inside my head and I am not quite sure which ones to grab and write about and which ones to put away for another day......

 my nephew griffin james, or as athena and I like to call him "little g"  :)

                             Alex had a great time working outside with athena and caleb.

well, my brother and sister in law and my 2 nephews were here for a week, and it was so nice seeing them, but it was really great to see how the cousins just pick up where they left off and played really well the whole time! They went to the park, buttered noodles, the fair, and just had a really awesome time playing together. I felt bad when my kiddos realized that they went home today...they actually cried poor babies...
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If anyone reads the posts that I dont publish you know that I have been having a hard time emotionally and really I have no reason for it. I tend to get overwhelmed and then just have trouble functioning and being happy, but it seems that my black cloud has lifted and I am feeling more like myself so I amhoping that this "better" mood continues.

                                    Athena on the first ride....she picked a "fancy pony"

                     Of course Caleb went on a car ride, and of course he picked yellow!

                        next up athena was "driven" by her brother (and also her cousin later on)
The fair has been going on, and as a friend of mine texted me yesterday.....I am such a carnie! I LOVE the fair! I love the food, the atmosphere, peoplewatching.....and now that my kids are older, I LOVE watching them have fun!! They went on rides, played games, watched the circus, saw animals, and just had a great time and it was so much fun doing the fair for them!!
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Joshs back is slowly healing . he goes to the pain clinic early october so we will see what they say. I am soproud of him though. through this back pain he did not miss 1 day of work! I know there are some people who would say, yeah, and he shouldnt miss, but this is a big deal and I am very proud of him!
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Athena has finished 2 weeks of kindergarten and is doing great! I am biased, but she is the cutest kiddo in there, and daily we are reassured that we made the right decision in sending her to a private school this year.  yes it is a huge sacrifice, but its worth it for our girl!!

                                                  athenas first day of school

I have friends who are having babies...its baby season right now! 2 down, 2 to go that I know of :) it almost makes me want another baby, but now my "babies" are becoming so independant that I wouldnt want to change anything. This next phase in our life is full of fun and lots of surprises!!!!

                                                                                                              Bye!!!

hurricane Irene....

short and sweet....hurricane irene as of right now at 8pm tonight, has been a disappointment. just rain. lots and lots of rain.....although now as I am typing this I am hearing the wind starting to really take off....
I am hoping that athena will have school tomorrow because she will be so disappointed to not get to go to school.............anyway, not to sound so negative, but I was kind of hoping that we would experience a minor hurricane just to say we experienced one here in vt, but its probably for the best......we will see in the morning  :)

my black cloud.....

Well, I am not really sure what to say tonight.....I have been feeling like there is a big black cloud hovering above my head and instead of it going away, it seems to just get bigger and bigger....
Last week was athenas first week of kindergarten and she did great!!! morning time wasnt super smooth, but we managed to get ready and to school on time every day so that was good.  Josh did something to his back (10 yrs ago he herniated 2 discs in his lower back so they always kind of bother him) to the point that he called and set up a chiropractor appt and dr appt for himself...thankfully he never missed any work, and hopefully they will set up a cortizone shot for him and hopefully it will work ....
I feel like I havent slept in weeks, which is odd becuase most nights I go to bed by 9 cuz Im tired. granted I dont usually sleep through the night becuase someone wakes up needing something.....I just feel completely overwhelmed and honestly, and I dont even want to admit this becuase I know its not good, but I am happiest lately when I am at work. I laugh, I have fun, and I actually dread the end ofthe day when I have to go home.....My kids are always fighting with each other, I feel like as much as I work at cleaning the house, it doesnt get or stay clean, Overall I just feel like I am failing at being a wife, mother,daughter, friend etc.....

one proud mommy

I have been kind of absent from blogging for a few days, but I have been busy getting myself and my daughter ready for schoool to start. In her words all weekend the "big event is almost here"...well, it came today and she was so excited! If only we were able to keep some of that awe insired excitement for things we would as a whole be a much happier well balanced society....but any-who....
Last night we picked out her outfit, packed her lunch got her backpack ready etc....this morning, she woke up at 6am and was so proud of herself for sleeping that long (seriously, thats a big deal!!) and was so happy to get to watch some of her movie while I hopped in the shower....when I came out of the bathroom she was all dressed wearing an ear to ear grin of pride.....they ate breakfast, brushed teeth,did hair--->complete with a special back to school hair bow....(one of the 43 bows we got in michigan)
then we headed downstairs to get on shoes and take pictures....well, apparently I was only allowed to get 3 pictures in. and that was a struggle! my girl doesnt like pictures!!
we dropped off little brother at grammies, and then I walked her in to "the big event"  she was so excited, and it was such a mommy moment for me....parked my minivan, got my girl out, held her hand all the way inside, ofund her hook and cubby, put things away, walked in the classroom, received a greeting from her teacher, found a friend and some toys, and (thankfully) remembered to give me a hug and a kiss, and off she went.......it was a blur, I was kind of hoping that she would cling to me, or look at me and say I will miss you so much mommy....but nope, my independant little girl was in her element, and I was so proud of her!!!
noon. I left work a little early so I could pick her up today,and was greeted with a "Ohhhh already mma?"  granted it would have been nice to have her say MOMMY  and run to me, but this just shows how well adjusted she is, and she did a great job packing up the rest of her lunch and headed out to the car with me....talking the whole way aboutwhat she learned and did...but "mom, Mrs K. [her teacher] didn't teach me any math....the first grade got to learn math, but not me"  I love it!!  the first day ever of school and she is upset that she didnt get to learn math.....LOL!!!
well, we will see what she learns tomorrow...maybe some math.....maybe not. either way I am so filled with pride and love for my not so little girl!!!!

song for today

Ok, so I have heard this song three times today and felt that for some reason I should post it....maybe someone out there needs to read what I have been hearing all day  :) 

                                    Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
                                                                  The chains of yesterday surround me                                                            I yearn for peace and rest
                                               I don’t want to end up where You found me
                                                 And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight                                 I know You’ve cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
                               And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
                      But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
’cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me againIn the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You’ve washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals

I’m not holding on to You, but You’re holding on to me
You’re holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don’t have to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
’cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

 

changes.....ready or not here we go!

well, it seems that this summer has been my time to grow up.....we bought a mini van, and <cough,cough> I like it! I really do! :) My baby girl is going to kindergarten. Now we have been back and forth (josh and I) about where to send her....we visited private schools, non traditional schools, public schools etc...but decided to save money and send her to publuc school this year....
you would think that is the end of the story, but nope, theres more........she was placed at one school and then the following week there was a shooting on the same street as the school. well, I called and had her moved to one of the other burlington schools, and was a little more comfortable with that....still had no clue how to get her to school, caleb to daycare and me to work all in time, and then the same thing at the end of the day......but we figured we were not the first parents with 2 kids to have to make this work, so we kept talking about it and stuff.....then the last couple of weeks, we started talking about sending caleb to preschool in williston when he turns 3 (this would be the preschool that I was in charge of for a few years) then we started talking about sending athena to that kindergarten, after all it is in williston and would be so much easier for us....but, for personal reasons I had said no. there was no way I could deal with certain parts of her being at that school.....well, long story short, we looked into it, and found out we can afford it, and I have to suck it up and do this because she is our daughter, and it is the best place she could be this year.
Since this decision was made this weekend (nothing like waiting til the last minute!) both Josh and I have peace about our little girl going to school....we have both felt so anxious that I honestly didnt know howI would make it through this school year!
So, the peace has made us realize that we made the right decision, and when we told athena, she was so happy, in fact her exact words were "thank you mommy and daddy, I wanted to go to a christian school"   insert knife and turn it a little more. nothing like a 5 year old to convict you huh?!!!
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My grandfather (my dads dad) has been in the hospital, now I am not sure everything, but basically he has been having problems with his heart, and during a CT scan they found a mass near his lymph nodes, and some other inflammation....basically it doesnt look good.......so I dont know what will happen now. they live in florida but all of us grandkids, greatgrandkids and kids live in vt....it would be nice if they were here so we could see them, and its not like I can just buy plane tickets, so we will see what this next week brings.......for all of us!

20 teeth!!!

Today was dentist day.  The kids both had appointments and this was calebs first official visit.  Athena did an AWESOME job and was so excited to hear that her teeth are starting to get ready to be loose (ie:not ready yet but it made her happy!) and that she had 20 teeth!  very very exciting!!!!
Caleb watched the whole time taking in everything and seeming ok with being next.....then it was his turn....not so excited  "mama, I dont wanna open my mouth.....no not my turn....I wanna go home..."  so, he got to lay on me in the chair while they counted his teeth and applied flouride....he cried the whole time, and it lasted maybe 5 minutes!  as soon as he got to get up he stopped crying and went to pick his prize   hmmmm.....oh well,
the dentist is awesome, and so patient and kid friendly (it IS a pediatric dentist) and made athena feel like a big BIG girl and didnt make caleb feel silly for being afraid.
Oh, and Caleb has 20 teeth too!!!  Crazy!!!!
so now we have new flossers, and toothbrushes to try out tonight :)

1 whole week...well, almost!

So I have been a minivan mom for almost 1 whole week, and I have to say it.....I LOVE my van!  <cringe>  I know, my good friend that tells it like it is told me that I can count on her to mock me since I always said I would never ever drive one......yep, gonna have some great comments from her aboutthis post, but seriously, my stroller fits, the kids have space, there is a dvd player, the kids have space, it has a back up camera...the list could go on, but I digress...
seriously though, does this mean I am a grown up? I guess married with two kids, and now a minivan kinda makes me an an adult :)

Yes, I still miss my green audi a4 with power everything, 5speed, moonroof, tan leather interior......yes, that was a pretty car, but now I have a husband, and two beautiful kids, and they are so much more awesome that that audi....seriously, I mean that......really its true, plus audis are really expensive to repair :0)

Before anyone thinks that I am seriously comparing my family to a car, I am not, that was my slightly off sense of humor trying to be funny....

I do love my van though!!!  :o)

poor me.....wanna join my pity party today?

Ever have one of those days where it feels like everyone else has a better life??  ok maybe not that drastic, but it seems as if they have the better kids, better husband, bigger house, better car, easy job, kids that sleep etc.....
Well, today was mine.  I know, its not right, and it never helps anything, but for some reason I read something that one of my friends wrote on the facebook wall, and it just set me into a poor me mood......usually this doesnt happen to me. usually I am able to pull myself out of a funk, but today, I just couldnt, and it seemed that it got worse, not better.
So, please dont judge me, but I am going to put in writing all my "poor me's" and then I am hoping it will be out of my system...I do want to say before I start that I do love my husband, and kids so much and even though I whine, I wouldnt change anything....well maybe a couple of things...  :)
I want  to be able to work out regularly, knowing that my husband supports me by watching the kids so I can.
I want to be able to sleep in once in awhile and let Josh get up with the kids.
I want to be able to complain about being tired and then just go to bed, instead of wait to put the kids to bed and then relax and sleep.
I want kids that go to sleep without "help" (ie:sitting with them, rubbing backs etc...) and then sleep all night without having to come in my bed, or room...
I want everyone in my family to get along and respect each other- understanding that nobody is perfect and we all have our crazy days, but we are family.
I want to live in a house that is in a neighborhood that has a yard, and a driveway.
Iwant childcare to work out....
I want to live in essex/williston/south burlington
I want to go on outings with my hubby and kids becuase its fun and we all want to do it...even if its not something we  as an adult like but we do it for our kids.
I want to find a church that I am comfortable at. where I am accepted for who I am now, not who I was 20 years ago.
I want to win the lottery  :) (I don't play so it might be a challenge)
I want to lose 20 pounds and keep it off.
well, there I actually do feel better having got all that out of my head and onto my blog, of course now all of you have read this and may feel somewhat negative now....sorry.....I get like this sometimes. like I said I do have so much to be thankful for:
my husband who works hard , beautiful,healthy children. an affordable place to live, family that loves me, friends, a job, a new van, sunny weather that gives me a nice tan, 2 air conditioners, and there are more things, I just am getting kind of tired now......
so anyway, thanks for "listening" and if anyone wants to regularly watch my kids so I can work out, or whatever, let me know!  ;)

my two aquatic animals...

hmmm..... rereading my title makes it sound like I have water animals at home, but no, I was actually referring to my children...  lol!!!
My kids have always LOVED water. baths, lakes, pools, sprinklers, puddles , you name it and they will splash in it.  Well Athena has been dead set on learning how to swim, but we havent been anywhere where the water is deep enough for her to really swim without cheating....until last weekend. my aunt invited us to her house in south hero and we went, and athena started doing some "swimming" with a life jacket on....then with water wings....we went back on wednesday with josh and she was swimming back and forth with only water wings and jumping in the pool on her own....then yesterday we grabbed my mom and went back and she was swimming from one end of the pool to the other without any floaties...(yes she had on flippers) and was so proud of herself!! I was proud of her too!!!
Now, there is caleb. He has never had ANY fear of water, and since he was able to walk would just jump into a pool hoping someone would be there to catch him (many,MANY heart attacks on my part!) well once he saw his sister jumping in the pool without anyone catching him he had to do it too! He of course had a life jacket on, and would jump arms and legs out into the water and come up every time with a HUGE grin on his face! He then would face plant the water--->almost dead mans float for a minute and then pop back up again with a big grin....he would "swim" all around the pool following his sister, and they had so much fun!! Did I take any pictures of ANY of this??  Nope.  Left the camera at home.....Grrrr.....Oh well, I guess that means we will have to go again and maybe, just maybe I wont forget the camera at home!!

free find for the day!!

For those of you who know me, you know that I have a slight obsession with craigslist....I have found some really great stuff on it and I love that I can find awesome stuff for really cheap :)
well today I randomly was looking at the free stuff and there was a listing for a bag of tupperware...I called and spoke to the "girl" and decided to go get it, even if I got one or two things it would be worth it because it was free....so we headed to the house and I met the "girl" out front.  side note: why am I putting "girl" in quotes you ask....well her name is jenifer but when I got there "she" was a "he" with ponytails, hightop sneakers, black miniskirt, earrings, and no top teeth...iiiiiiiinteresting...ok back to the real story...
she had a huge garbage bag of tupperware and a box of tupperware and some other goodies....I thanked "her" and left, but not before athena asked me "mommy, is she a boy or a girl?" that was an interesting conversation in the van!!! :)
Anyway, after we sorted through my goodies, we had a huge pile of bowls,containers, tuppersilverware, collander,plates...and even some things for my mom too!!  super exciting!! and it was a great price.....FREE!!!!  and we met an interesting person as well!!!

whatever wednesday

last night, my kids for some reason unknown to me decided that they didnt want to go to sleep....finally around 9:30 they both fell asleep laying in bed next to me. I know, I know, not the best parenting move, but I was so tired that I just didnt care. I probably would ve loaded them up in the car and driven around if I wasnt so incredibly exhausted.  why you ask? Honestly, I have no idea. I have started a new medicine, which causes drowsiness so that could be contributing, but I just havent been sleeping that great lately.
Then, thismorning I thought hey, maybe the kids will sleep a little longer since they were up so late. Nope. they were awake by 6 and playing untl a little before 7 when they apparently couldnt last without me any longer :)
Josh was off today and he had planned to make breakfast, which he did...not so good for the weght loss I am attempting, but still the bacon and eggs were delish  :)
The kids were both incredibly grumpy and unpleasant this morning which really put a damper on my day...and of course beciase part of the plan was to have them snooze on the way to my aunts house, they both chose to stay awake.  grrrr.....so much for a quiet ride to the islands.....
Josh and I had a blast with the kids in the pool....they are part fish, I swear they must be!  athena is learning to swim and loves it and she is so brave!!!
on the way home after a few hours, the kids stayed awake and did pretty decent...but they were so tired that they hardly ate anything for dinner...and now both are sound asleep and its only 730.  unfortunately I think josh may have fallen asleep in athenas room, since hes still in there and its been over a half an hour  lol!
Tonight I am going to bed early, in the hopes of having a good day tomorrow...I have to get some cleaning done, and then we might head back to my aunts for a swim, or maybe the park....I dont know...we will see, but it will be better than this morning thats for sure!!

I have been having alot of trouble with athenas behavior: attitude, general unwillingness to do anything that is asked of her....anyone have any ideas, advice, encouragement? I feel like all I do is discipline her, and I am seeming to be lacking in the skills needed to raise up my little me the way I should......

monday maturity.....can it be I am growing up?

all right, I am going to make this quick because I am tired, and still have a few things to do before I can relax and head to bed..... tonight I officially became a "minivan mama".  yep, after those of you who have known me forever pick yourselves back up off the floor, I will explain.....
So, yes i am the girl who said I woudl NEVER EVER drive a minivan no matter what....well, two kids later, and a need for a new vehicle, and I find myself buying, and even slightly excited about this new minivan.  It gives us so much more room for the kids, and has the cool back up camera (maybe I will back up more often now) as well as dvd and cordless headphones for the kids. Plus TONS of storage/stow and go space...I could literally sleep in there , there is that much room!  LOL!
It is silver and doesnt have every option we could have had, but it has what we need, and thats whats important.
I had to laugh when the salesman started telling us about the deal with the vans, because one of my friends also just bought a minivan and she seems to be loving it as well!!  I guess that means my friends and I are moving into that next phase of our lives where we all drive minivans....and you know what...I think I am ok with that!  :)
gotta run, but cant wait to "play" with my new van tomorrow night after work.

where did the weekend go?

the last couple of days have flown by and I cant believe that tomorrow is Monday, the start of a new week...already...
Yesterday was my moms birthday so me and the kids went to middlebury with her.  We went to "our" beach where the kids were super brave and floated and played and had a great time in the water.  Then we stopped at the a&w where we had a snack of french fried and a root beet float, and of course took some home with us as well  :) yummy!!
Today we had church and  while we were hanging at my moms my aunt called and invited us to her house to swim and play for the afternoon......so we decided to head up there, and the kids had a blast!! athena swam the entire time we were there, caleb found a battery operated tractor and drove all around their yard,my dad gave athena a ride in the go cart, and they had so much fun!
This coming week has the potential to be a week of lots of changes.....I will keep you all posted on those changes as they occur.....kind of excited, and looking forward to what the week will bring. :)

betty crocker kind of day

Well, today I did not get to sleep in like I had hoped, but I wasnt upset when I woken up with a "mommy, I pooped"  My boy is potty trained except for that, and he absoloutely refuses to go in the potty. He wants a diaper. i of course still try the potty but by then the moment has passed...all that to explain that he had been trying to go since sunday with no success, and we were at the point where we were gonna have to call the dr for advice if there was nothing this morning....so even though it was 6am I was "happy" (as only a mom can be and understand) that was the reason.  For those of you who are wondering, he also pooped about 3 other times today and is feeling much better, and his happy self again :)
Ok, enough poop talk.....
The last week I have been wanting to bake, but had other things to do, or it was honestly just too hot. last night I decided I wanted to do some baking, and got everything out for today...I made......drum roll please..
 a chocolate peanuty butter cream pie....sooooo easy, and sooooooooo yummy!!!
a pumpkin pie (Josh heard I was gonna back and put in his request)
a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting for my mom (her birthday is tomorrow)
and, that's all I baked today....now that the baking bug is back I am planning some buckeye brownies, blueberry muffins, and maybe bread....but thats for another day.
Days like today I am so happy....my house is clean, my kids got along and played nicely and were happy, I got to bake, and still get other things accomplished as well.....this is how I feel every day that I am home should be, but the reality is......well, lets just say the reality is not quite that perfect :) LOL!
Gotta go get stuff together, tomorrow we are heading to middlebury to go to the beach and of course a&w  YUM!!!!

decent day Hooray!!

I was pleasantly surprised this morning by Athena waking me up becuase she was lonely...she had been up since about 6, and I figured it was 6:15.....nope.  It was 7:23!!  I was so happy! and the amazing part is that Caleb slept until 8:15 when I woke him up!  I don't  know, but I'll take it! heres hoping I am pleasantly suprised again tomorrow morning!

We had a nice morning playing with friends....I got to be the baby whisperer (not really, but I did get him to sleep)  lol! and had some great grown up conversation while our kiddos played in the pool, on the swings, then created a playdoh mess (sorry again!!) 

home for attempted naps.....well, given that the boy slept in I didnt really think he would sleep, but we gave it a shot...instead he and athena played together nicely and cooperatively for almost 2 hours while I got a bunch of little things done....lovely!
we headed to my moms later on so they could ride their bikes and play outside for a couple of hours, then we came back home for dinner and baths....and apparently early bedtime again tonight!

Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy but thats good because I have some baking to get done, and maybe the monkeys will play nicely again so I can make it through an entire baking project ......ya never know...
saturday is my mommys birthday, she is 40 again...:)  and since josh and my dad work, me and the kids are going to middlebury with mom to go to the beach and a&w....should be a nice day.....
well, I am gonna go sit on the deck and eat my sundae cone before josh gets home from work. happy thursday night  :)

venting.......

first off for some reason I felt off all day.  not mad, not happy, not really tired,just irritable and antsy....anyway, I picked up our yummy free pizza for dinner tonight and walked in the door expecting to see happy kids, and maybe even a hi honey how was your day...instead athena started crying because she wanted to open the door for me, caleb started crying because he wanted me to hug him but I was hugging athena, and josh, well he sat on the couch and was looking at calebs sticker book......
then, I looked around and realized that the 3 things I had asked J to do today (since he was off and I was at work) didnt get done.  now before you think I asked too much here is what I asked....1)empty all the trash and take it out 2) bring in the table from my car and 2 drawers up to calebs room 3) vaccum(sp?)
so, after the kids settled down and started eating I stupidly tried to be wonder woman and get everything done because I cant stand starting my day off with chaos and mess.....yep. I did the trash brought in the table from my car, brought things upstairs but did not vacum becasue I had to find my inhalor and sit on the deck for awhile....yeah, gave my self a stupid asthma attack.  yes this could have been prevented if hubs had done some things to help me, but did I have to wonder woman and do it all before 7pm? No. it would have been there when I got up tomorrow, or even later tonight......oh well I guess I learned my lesson....don't expect too much which can result in pleasant surprises, and dont overdo things becuase my asthma attack scared my girl who thought I was going to die cuz I couldnt breathe....
I am thankful for the servant heart my girl has. she kept checking on me, and bringing me stuffies, and water. she is the sweetest little thing, and I love that she is mine!!
anyway, I feel better now that I got that off my chest. please dont think that I am trying to bash my hubbny, I just was very frustrated and since I was feeling off all day anyway something in me literally snapped.....well since I cant do much else Im gonna lay in bed and read and go to sleep somewhat early so that tomorrow I can play with my monkeys....thank goodness we get new days so we can start over!!

mundane monday

   SO I was reading a couple of my friends blogs tonight....1 friend posted a link to a funny article that states funny things that kids have said about marriage, kids, being in love etc... another friend is writing a book, and writes really well anyway, but tonight she made me laugh as I read about her fly convention...today I dont have anything witty, funny, insightful to say, and I feel inadequate with my blogging skills  :)

Today was just a typical monday at work, nothing exciting, same old same old....last night my kids both slept all night and woke up happy which was so awesome......and now they are snoozing peacefully in their beds.  Josh just found the movie step brothers on tv so we are gonna go watch that, its funny for sure!!!!

maybe tomorrow I will have something inspiring to write for you all to read!  :o)

Oh and by the way....

 Since there were a few of you who I know read this, and I know you are dying to know.....yes I did go and get my bloodtest done. and the best part....well, one of the best parts was the guy that did it, literally was so incredibly awesome that I thought he was tricking me when he said "ok, gonna pinch"  cuz I didnt feel anything......NOTHING!!!  seriously, that is the first time ever that I have had someone that was that good.  he was friendly (not too friendly) and efficient and I was in and out of there in 20 minutes! that never happens like that!!!
so, yay for me I went and they took my blood, and I will of course let you all know whats going on with all of this stuff as I know.

aaahhhhh......"cooler" weather today

Today at my parents church was a "guest speaker", well he was a guest to some folks there, but to me it was so nice to see/hear Pastor Stertzbach (uncle David) at church.  I wish he was able to stay longer, but he does have his own church in Arizona, and I am sure he would like to go home where his wife is as well.  Josh and I (and the kids) had the opportunity to spend some time with him the other day and we wanted to take him to lunch. anywhere he wanted....he picked Als.  We loved that we could take him somewhere that was special to him, and it of course is a place we all love. Its also where Josh and I had our first date :)
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Last night I mentioned that we were watching a movie -Life as we know it- and I feel the need to give an update on that.  So, here it is:  While it was a very good movie, had lots of good acting, funny moments. I was not happy about the way it was advertized as a comedy.  I seriously, was depressed after watching this movie.  Josh and I ended up staying up late talking, and literally going in and giving each of the kids hugs (while not waking them up of course!) Josh ended up having some bad/sad dreams as a result of watching the movie.....now seriously, I feel like I need to have a conversation with the kids godparents and make sure everyone is on board just in case! And it also left me feeling completely helpless when it comes to the safety of my family. God forbid something happened to me, Josh, Athena or Caleb. I truly do not know what I would do. I guess I would do my best to continue life as we know it, but seriously, i am tearing up writing this, and thinking about the unthinkable. so anyway....Life as we know it. NOT a comedy. Do NOT watch this alone, do NOT watch this if you have children, of any age, and seriously, drive safe!!!!!
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Ok, now that I am slightly depressed again, and you are thinking what is wrong with this girl, why is she so upset about that movie?, just go rent it and see for yourself :)
Today Josh was off, so after church we went to my parents and had a cookout, and let the kids swim. It was so beautiful out. not super hot, but still sunny and nice.  then the boys went home and athena and I went school shopping. she wanted to get every pencil,eraser,marker,crayon notebook etc.. that they had, but I managed to contain some of her enthusiasm! we also had to get a lu nchbox for her brother so that "he wont be sad when I [athena] go to school"  anyway, that was a new thing for me, buying school supplies with my daughter. not ready for this. want to keep her little. want her to stay home with me where it is safe.....but at the same time I cant wait to see her grow up, become independant,show her teacher how smart she is, make new friends...... Yep, I am still adjusting to this new stage in our life.  those of you with older kids...any tips for me on surviving the first day of school, and any other helpful hints/ideas/tricks to make everything go a little smoother?

hot, hot, hot.....

It has been so hot lately...Its hard to not complain, I mean I love, love, LOVE the sun, and being outside, at the park, the beach, bike path etc.. but lately its even been too hot to do any of that...the pool at my parents house was actually almost hot, so not refreshing, but yet we were still in it splashing around yesterday and today.....
The kids got to go berry picking with my parents today when I was at work.  They had a blast and as Caleb told me they "picked really juicy berries" and Athena said that they "picked 8 pounds of blueberries"  I wish I could have gone, but I was at work doing what I do best....:)
 so the kids went to bed early tonight and Josh and I are watching a movie......has anyone out there seen the movie Life as we know it......it starts like a comedy, and then get really sad...thats where we are right now...so I am going to go snuggle with my hubby and watch this movie, hopefully it will get funny again  :0)

good ears and 3 picks

Well, today I felt like a mean sneaky mommy......Athena had her 5 year check a couple of weeks ago and she knew that at some point we had to go back for her shots (thankfully only 3 today, since I had her get 2 last summer)  well after calebs ENT appointment --hooray! his ears looked great! next appt 6 months!) I figured we might as well head over and get her shots done and over with. One of athenas favorite nurses is leaving ped med on friday so we had to go before she left....  well, I had told athena it was 1 or 2  shots come to find out it was actually 3shots....... athena wasnt too happy about that one, but she did a great job! she cried but stayed still for all 3 shots and then got a hug and 3 stickers from her nurse.
we had other errands to run but athena was so distraught after this that we had to go to grammies house for lunch and swimming ("I got 3 shots so I get to pick what we do today")  then I got a pleasant surprise, my dad watched athena (caleb was sleeping) so I could go by myself to trading post in essex and stock up on next season clothes for the kids. since they are closing I have to get my fix in :)  I was able to get a ton of great stuff, chat with michelle for a few minutes, and even stop into 1 other store before heading back to my parents house.  this might sound like no big deal, but to me any time that I can go shopping alone, its such a blessing! I love my kids and wouldnt trade being with them for the world, but sometimes, its nice to just be able to get in and out of the car quickly. no car seats to worry about, in and out of a store, not worrying where everyone is....lovely :)
now i am sitting in the nice cool air conditioned room typing away for you to read all about my day...tomorrow I am getting my blood tests done. josh is off so I can get up and head out to do that, and then I will get groceries, well there may be a DD stop in there somewhere, but I think I deserve it after getting blood taken out of my body :)
stay cool tonight!!

wow!!

so the last two days at work have been rather....well,dramatic......yesterday was just busy, but today we had someone on the verge of passing out---laying on the floor with feet up in the waiting room, someone throwing up, getting to her car, throwing up, coming back in for IV, getting to her car and throwing up again.  Again, another patient came in and ran out the door coughing and throwing up....so yeah it was a little out of the ordinary and nuts!
I was excited to get home because the kids had made me chocolate covered strawberries, and Josh was making dinner, so I could get home sit down and eat....well on the way home my mom sent me a text that athenas blankie "purple" was forgotten there....so I got home and ate dinner and headed back out to get purple while josh did baths.  the kids were clean and in jammies when I got home, but since they didnt really see me they both wanted me to put them to bed, so finally at 8ish I get to sit down and relax.......
tomorrow caleb has an appointment with ENT to make sure his ears/tubes/hearing are still doing ok, and then I get to be a mean mommy and "surprise" athena with a trip to the pediatrician so she can get her last two imms for school.  the upside is her favorite nurse will be there and we are requesting she do them, and we are going to my moms after so they can swim,swim,swim!!!
somehow I need to fit in a zumba workout, and some cleaning, but I am going to try to just enjoy my day with my monkeys and of course, sit in the sun and get just a little more brown  :)

another decent day!

Today was pretty decent.  we went to church, I loved the special music today, and the pregnant lady in the group looks really good considering she only has a few weeks left  :)
then the kids took naps, and I got to watch grown up tv and sip ice tea, then everyone woke up and we headed out to the pool where my monkeys had a crazy fun time swimming and splashing with their grammie....after dinner we told the kids we had a surprise for them, and they went nuts trying to figure out what it was..."mommy, what is the suprise? are we there yet? where are we going?" we gave in and told them where we were going cuz the questions were getting to be a little obsessive!  where was I?....oh yeah, creemies....sooooooo good, and the kids ran around outside for a bit then reluctantly got in the car and went home....actually the convinced us to stop at the park for "5 minutes...no 2...no 5"  and then it was home for jammies,stories and bed....not a bad day.
Now I am relaxing, writing to those of you who read my various ramblings.  I think I will grab a book and read with the air conditioner on before falling asleep slightly early tonight.....

not a bad day

Today I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep past 6am, relax a little snuggle my monkeys, you know the "perfect" morning you think of before you have kids  :)  instead I was woken by the boy making lovely whiny sounds becuase he wanted to climb in bed with me but was too lazy to do it himself :) this in turn woke up the girl who had climbed in with me around 5 and fallen back to sleep. needless to say she was also woken up and the first words I hears were "man,caaaaaaleb, I was sleeping!"  lovely....
after they were fed and a cartoon they both agreed on was found, I climbed into the shower to get myself ready since I work Ijust about) every saturday.
dropped off the kids and headed to work....to be pleasantly surprised by the fact that there were only a couple of patients scheduled before I turned on the phones. then I got to have a special helper who came in with her brother....too cute!  Got out a little early and went to lunch with my hubby! totally unplanned which made it so much more fun!  picked up the monkeys but ended up staying at grammies for a few hours playing outside since it was sooooooooo gorgeous today!  came home and made chicken parm,noodles and green beans which everyone ate! the kids had a blast playing with daddy and then got a nice scrub down in the tub,some snuggles with mommy and daddy and bedtime...all in all a pretty good day even if it started off a little shaky  :)

random.....and I really hate blood tests....

Howdy everyone out there in blogger world......
I had an interesting phone call the other day completely out of the blue, and definitely not expected. At first I was hesitant about it, but decided it wouldnt hurt anything to talk...so I did, and it was a completely positive experience that if I did not believe in God I would say was just weird and random, but I know that nothing God plans is random, and that he puts things in our paths when HE wants us to receive them, not when we think we should get them.  yes this is rather vague, nothing is definite right now, but it was just so awesome for me to experience his direction and leading in something that I did not think at all was an option......
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Ok, sorry I will explain myself in a later post when things are more definite.  this next item on my agenda is something that most of you know about but for those of you who dont, I will explain in a minute.
I am not usually a procrastinator, but I have been bad.  I was supposed to get some labs done to check my levels (its been over a year) this past week, but I kept putting it off and putting it off, and now another week has gone by.  I dont know why it unnerves me, but it does.  I think it is the combination of 1) blood being taken from my body-alot of blood, not just 1 tube!- I hate blood tests, if blood was supposed to be outside our body we wouldnt have skin (just sayin') 2)I know the tumor is there, its just the not knowing if it has grown, or moved again, or what the next treatment step will be...I dont like unknown. 3) Its dumb, I work in a medical office, I know that if you pretend something isnt there, it still is, but I think sometimes I just pretend there isnt a tumor......
anyway, all that to say I need to suck it up and go get my blood drawn, and then I need to meet with my dr to find out the results, and make another treatment plan.
ok, for those of you who dont know, dont freak out, its not as bad as it sounds. its not great, but anyway, here it is...
we found out after a multitude of tests back in 2005 that I have a pituitary adenoma. basically a tumor on my pituitary gland which made me unable to get pregnant.  once this was diagnosed and I was put on (evil) medicine I was able to get pregnant with athena. I have to get my prolactin levels checked about once a year, and usually an mri is required as well to get a visual of the size and location of the tumor.  one time it moved ...weird.  now its not a huge tumor, like the size of a pencil eraser, but still sometimes the whole concept that I have a tumor inside my head gets to be unnerving.  I have not been taking the medicine for just about a year because 1) I hate it, it makes me so sick  2)I didnt have insurance and the rx ran out 3) the main reason I would take the medicine in the past was so I could regulate and attempt to get pregnant. well, since we are DONE having babies, I just kind of forgot to take the meds..... yeah my dr will not be happy with me next week  :/
so, in a nutshell thats been on my mind lately, and hopefully sometime next week I will get to blog that my levels were low and my dr is happy!........Ill keep you posted!
if you have any questions, feel free to ask me!!

Trying again to see if i can blog from my phone....

blah blah blah

well, I am not really sure what to write about...I have been kind of annoyed the last couple of days with things that I should just accept and let go, but for some reason they still bug me.....so instead of writing about those things, and dwelling on them I am going to find something positive that happened sunday yesterday and today....here goes  :)
Sunday------> it wasa gorgeous day, I got to talk to a friend of mine at church, after naps I took the kids to the park and we had a good time!
Monday--------> when I stopped at the gas station to get an ice coffe  the two guys in a delivery truck whistled at me (Iknow,but sometimes its a nice thing to be noticed), my buddy was back from vacation so we could have fun at work
tuesday-----------------> josh got another a/c for the living room so now I can work out again, my kids were thrilled to see me at the end of the day, josh and I are watching kevin james comedy and laughing....I love laughing with Josh

there....better, yeah I really am, now I am sitting here smiling instead of frowning at the computer.....
have a lovely evening,  and maybe tomorrow I can get pics posted of my princesses birthday party...it was almost a whole month ago now....

hmmm........

so today was the last day that the pastor and his family were at trinity,actually that they were in vermont. they are being moved to north carolina where he will have less stress I believe and enjoy what he will be doing.  Before anyone gets mad at me, I am going to be rather frank,blunt, whatever, I am just going to lay it out there, and hopefully not offend anyone in the process.....
I truly feel sorry for whoever takes the position of senior pastor at that church. the church has too many people who think things need to be run the way they were back when the church was founded, and they are not happy unless that is the way it is.  Unfortunately things change, and people need to be willing to change, and until that is able to happen there will be discord, or unhappiness, or struggle whatever the right word is.....
Having been in delaware last year, I was able to attend an incredible church that honestly, I still miss, and think about every sunday, because I was so happy there.  the people genuinely love each other , and were so welcoming that I was literally blown away my first time there!!  we were greeted every week, asked how things were going, adjusting to delaware etc...  the way that church should be. not people who put on their sunday outfit along with their personality for the day. 
these people love the Lord, they love to serve, they love each other, just an incredible experience.
My parents church needs someone with a strong personality who will stand up for what he thinks is right and what he wants to get done while still leading and loving the church family.  in return the church family needs to be a church family, show the respect and love to their leader, the pastor, and  if he doesnt like an idea or a suggestion then accept it and let it go becuase he knows what is best for the church.
My little family is not sure where we will be attending church at the end ofthe summer, but wherever we decide it will be the best place for us and our children.
ok, well I just had to get this off my chest. I am saddened when I think about the way that the pastor of my parents church was treated , and honestly the lack of respect that he received....it just isnt right, and now he is gone. yes he handled alot of things poorly, and shouldnt have done other things, but he is human, and he did what he thought was right at the time, and with the resources that he had available to him.
ok...ok...enough, I dont want to start a problem or argument out here, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I probably wont publish this post, if someone stumbles upon this on my blog, then maybe you were meant to read it.  :)

jumbled thoughts

Today at work I spoke to a sweet old man who was very concerned about his wife.  Now he was calling to see what we could do or have him do to help his wife becuase she was in pain.  Now, his wife is in hospice care, and probably wont be long on the earth, but her husband loves her and just wants to do whatever he can to make her happy.....still.....no matter what. I had to make a few different call to the vna, her pcp, and then back to the husband, and every time he was so sweet. thanking me for helping, and blessing my day, and I just wanted to reach through the phone and give him a hug because the last time I spoke to him her just sounded sad. like he was accepting the fact that his wife, his soulmate probably isn't going to live much longer.
It made me think about my life, and how I want to be the wife that my husband will still do a ything for 50 years from now, the mom that my kids will want to please when the tables turn and they become our caretakers.
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On a lighter note, it seems that my little man is pretty much potty trained!  he still uses a diaper at bedtime, and if we will be out for a long time, but we ran an errand this afternoon, and then got home and went for a walk all with his "big boy car undies" and the srayed totally dry!!!
hooray!!!!!!   I cant wait to really save money not buying diapers...I have been buying diapers for over 5 years!!!  :)

well, I am going to go watch hoarders on tv...I know, its a bizarre reality show, but I just love watching those shows! 

today was a good day...

So a week or two ago I wrote about how I was not feeling like myself, and was angry and basically didnt want to be here, didnt want the responsibilities that I have and was pretty much envying everyone elses life.....
Well,  after writing I talked to my dr and I am trying a new medication. apparently the other one that I was on could cause extreme agitation...hmmm....well that was the problem....anyway.  Two weeks into new medication, and attempting to be positive and content with what I have and where I am right now....and I had a great day with my kids today!
it started with caleb getting up and peeing in the potty  (@6:30am) and then the kiddos played nicely together until I decided what we were gonna do this morning....we got ready and went to my moms (she was at work) and played outside, and swam in her pool, and decorated her driveway with sidewalk chalk.  then after lunch we headed home where they were supposed to take naps....nope. apparently they were having too much fun with mommy today....
so they got to lie in our bed and watch a movie while I started some cleaning.....well, this snowballed into a total overhaul of the upstairs. rearranging bedrooms, hanging hooks, sorting toys.....ahhhh......I feel calm when I go upstairs now, and dont mind looking around.  then we tackled the downstairs.  I organized book baskets, decluttered a little, and then found a fun cd from when I was teaching.....we danced away for awhile laughing and being silly, and it was so nice....I dont think I have enjoyed my kids like that for a long time.
then after we were all hot and sweaty we headed back upstairs where the air conditioner is to cool off where I was roped into playing barbies....actually it was kind of fun...I think I was still playing when athena had moved on to ponies  :)
then it was time for me to start dinner so the kiddos got to watch  sprout . then daddy came home and now he is throwing rubber balls at the kids while they try to run past him...kind of like dodge rock(  :o) christopher will get that)  anyway, they are laughing like crazy and its such a great end to a great day!
the other awesome thing is they will conk out pretty early with no naps, so josh and I can watch a movie and maybe have a conversation tonight  :)

Things I am thankful for

So lately I have been  feeling  a little envious of various things that other people have----> bigger house, backyard, kids that sleep, husbands that do extra around the house.....
when I realized that envying what they have is not only wrong, but not going to change the things in my life, so this morning I decided to make a list of the things that I DO have and am thankful for...so here it goes---in no particular order:

1. My home. granted it is small, and has no backyard, but it serves its purpose and its only for 1 year.
2. my husband. he works hard, long hours to take care of us.
3. my job. the days and hours are perfect, and the people are fun  :)
4. my kids. they are the smartest, funniest little people I know, and I thank God for my 2 little miracles, and cannot imagine my life without them!!
5. my parents. they are always willing to help out however they can.
6. the beautiful sunshine that has been out lately, I so love the sun!
7. my friends. they are always there whenever I need to talk, or have retail therapy
8. second hand stores (goodwill,once upon a child,trading post...). I know, but I just love finding an awesome deal on something!!!

well, that's all I can come up with right now, I know that there are other things, but off the top of my head thats it!  :)
have a lovely sunny day today, and be thankful for what you have.

4th of july

 well its been about a week, but I wasn't ignoring you my feollow bloggers, I was super busy and just havent had a chance to sit down and type anything worthwhile....lets see if I can catch you all up to our life.....
my princess, my baby girl turned 5 8 days ago, and I cant believe I have a 5 year old!  she had an awesome time , and is already thinking about what she wants to do next year for her "six year old party"
last week was vacation bible school at my parents church and athena and caleb went every single day! athena learned her verses, did her homework, made new friends, and had a great time! she won the top prize and was so excited and proud of herself!!
this weekend we didnt do fireworks, but went to the williston parade with my parents. athena did great, she snagged lots of candy and had fun. caleb on the other hand did not enjoy himself. he yelled. he cried.  he pouted.  until the parade started and then seemed to think they were throwing candy right at him!  after the parade we walked to the green to get lunch and the regular festivities....but caleb, didnt want todo that. he yelled.  he screamed. he hollered for me to hold him.  so we left.  I took him to my parents and put him down for a nap....athena got to stay with my parents and she had a great time!  then after nap they went swimming in the pool, I got soaked, but honestly didnt complain today....it was just too hot!
then when Josh got home from work we had a nice cookout, complete with s'mores and watermelon.  yummmmmy!  the perfect end to a day.  both kids are snoozing so josh is watching a movie while I am typing away on my new laptop...yep.  my hubby got me a laptop which is lovely!! Im in my bed with the ac going but yet still online...i could get used to this :)
well, I am gonna go read a little bit hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of july.......I am hoping to keepup blogging better now that I dont have an excuse :)

Happy Birthday Athena!!

so today is Athenas birthday party....she will be 5 tomorrow.  I can't believe that 5 years has flown by so fast!!  5 years ago at this time I was trying to figure out if I was in labor, got sent home from the hospital because I wasn't far enough along,went home and ate pizza. That was an entire day in a nutshell :)
I have a few friends who are pregnant or just had babies, and its funny how talking to them brings back different memories of both my kids births, and funny how each one was so different....I remember being so sure of so many things : no epidural,water birth, how easy it would be since I did exercises,definitely would breast feed.....and how quickly those ideas get blown out of the water during the real deal  :)  I did get an epidural,I did soak in the tub for many hours, but didn't give birth there, it was not easy, and it was looooong!!!  After 30 hours of labor, and 3and a half hours of pushing I met my baby girl, and she was beautiful!!!
We may have had a rough start those first few months, but she is my girl, and I would not change a thing (well, maybe the fact that she is a super early riser)  She is my little girl, my princess, and I love her so much!!
I still can't believe that this fall I will be sending my girl to school.....  wow how time flies!!!
Happy Birthday Athena Nicole! I love you so much!!!

whatever wednesday

so, today feels like it is dragging along...probably because we had a fun morning with friends, but then after we got home my girl decided not to sleep, and I developed a wicked headache....ugh! Think I say this alot, but I am so thankful for our apartment, and that it has 3 bedrooms, but I am getting increasingly frustrated with the lack of space that we have....I can't wait to get a bigger place , but that wont be until February 2012....so I need to just suck it up and work harder to keep my house clean.
Last night we took out first trip to the ER. which really isn't bad considering Athena is (almost)5 and Caleb is 2 and a half.....what a freaky thing...he and his sister were playing with new little airplanes, and somehow his sisters airplane flew at his face and "hit" him above his eye near the bridge of his nose.  he has a perfect little gaping hole....I was pretty calm, but the fact that it was right next to his eye had me pretty freaked out.  I took a picture and sent it to my mom asking if I should call the Dr, of course she said yes.....so after talking to the pediatrician he determined that since it was a hole and on his face that we should head to the ER to get it checked......
Josh was at work and couldn't come with me so I grabbed snacks,sippy cups and diapers and we headed to the ER. where I was told that he was a very lucky little boy....a couple centimeters the other direction and it would have hit his eyeball which could have ended badly........in the end the Dr decided not to traumatize him with stitches and said to keep an eye on it the next couple of days, but that it should heal up pretty good on its own, and just to apply antibiotic ointment a couple times a day.
phew!  major trauma averted....while there I was talking to a grandpa who was there with his granddaughter who was already in surgery for a torn ACL.  she was 5 years old.  anotehr kid shut her foot in a door.  how thankful was I that  Caleb's injury was so much minor compared to that....and how horrible for a little girl to have that much pain!
anyway, we made it home by 8pm, got Tylenol and jammies, and went to bed....only to have everyone awake at 5am, and 630am.....why...I have no idea, but was pretty bummed!! 
we had a fun morning though and went to a friends house to cheer her up with donuts and a coolatta....hopefully we were able to keep her mind off her baby that would rather stay in than come out :) and the kids had fun playing!
well, its raining outside so I think I will get out the Tinkerbell movie that netflix sent us which will let us rest and relax for a bit before josh gets home and I have to make dinner!

who is this person?

I am not going to get too into it becuase...well, just because. but I have been struggling lately with alot of things.....one of those being experiencing some side effects to medication that have not been pleasant.  THat being said, I am in the process of working with my dr on "fixing" me so that I feel more like myself again.  Last night I had a moment where I was literally afraid to be with myself....I honestly didnt know what I would do, and that scared me. I am sorry to be kind of vague, but I feel "safer" that way...you never know who reads these things :)
I had some time out alone the other night and felt a little better, but it wasn't the "miracle" I was hoping it would be.
Right now I am not being the person, wife, friend, mother etc... that I want to be, but I am working on getting back to "normal"  so please bear with me..I havent laughed, a big happy belly laugh in months....I love my husband and he has put up with so much in our relationship, and he always loves me, and takes care of me, and that just makes me love him more.
so, now that I have unloaded a little part of my mind, I feel better, and I think when Josh gets home we are going to get a pizza and go to the park....

random questions from a 4 and a half year old

So Athena has been asking me some random questions lately, and I thought that I would start recording them and then post a few for your enjoyment.....maybe someone can answer them!!

1) "mommy, is God married?"                   "why not?"

2) "mommy put this in your memory for when we get to heaven.....I want to ask God why crabs walk sideways....I thought of this when I was dancing sideways..."

3)"mommy how come caleb doesnt have to cover his nipples, but I do?"

4) Mommy, why do boys stand up to pee, but I have to sit? can I try standing?"

5)When caleb and I were in you belly, did you know we were there?

6)" but Mom, he has been touching my toys for 19 hours!!!"  (during a long car ride to michigan)

7) "nooooooo Caleb dont use my brush to scratch your nasty bum...I brush my hair with that!!"

8) "mooooom, I can't find a dress that sparkles......this one will not do for church"

9) "Is it ever going to be my birthday? It is taking forever...."


This is all Ive got right now.....if anyone has any answers let me know and I will pass them on to my daughter!

today....

Today started early, but sweet. my little boy woke up at 5 and of course only wanted me....normally I getr frustrated with this, but seeing as I have been able to sleep all night, I dont mind (as much) getting up early.  he and I had some snuggles in bed, and then went downstairs to watch the gerbils being silly, and then we got some breakfast before everyone else was up.
It was just a nice time for me and him, and it started my day on a sweet note  :)

Now they are in bed, and I am kind of tired (I have been awake since 5am!)  so I am going to get stuff ready for tomorrow and then head to bed soon.

sleep well, and hope you all have a nice sunday!

whatever it was it was scary

So..some of you have a clue as to what this post will be about, but for the rest of you here is the last 24 hours or so....
Last night we all sat down to dinner and were eating (normal day) when Josh grabs at his chest and starts breathing loudly...I kind of didnt say anything and just watched him, but this kept going for about 10 minutes ...
he got really pale and had shortness of breath and told me he didnt feel good and was going to lie down.
                             oooookkkkkaaaaayyyyy......
after a few more minutes of letting him rest on the couch I went in to check on him....me:"how are you doing? whats wrong?"  Josh: my arm is numb, and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest, and its hard to breathe. me:"ummm...do you know what you are describing to me?" Josh "yeah, but Im fine dont worry....
                       <yeah right, a wife not worry when her hubby is maybe having a heart attack....>

anyway, the chest pain went away after a bit, and he was able to breathe better, so he laid low last night and just didnt feel good.....this morning he woke up still feeling "off" and his arm was still a little numb, but he went to work with the promise that he would call his dr if he felt funny again.
                     11am

I get a call from Josh.  He had another episode and called his dr (totally shocked that he called!)
who told him to get a ride from someone and go to the ER.

soooo....the kiddos got to go to my moms, and I got to take Josh to the ER....

we got there and the dr was incredibly rude and walked in the room and said...and I quote..."You are a healthy looking 27 year old...why are you really here you aren't having a heart attack"

                              ---not the best first impression, and Josh isnt 27, he is 32......-------
they did a cardiogram,a bunch of labs, a few other tests, all to have the super impressive (j/k) dr come in and say, and again, I quote " well, you are a healthy guy, you didnt have a heart attack, you dont have a blood clot, you are fine, so since we dont know whats wrong, we are gonna send you home"

.......not that we wanted anything "bad" to be wrong with Josh, but we did kind of want some kind of answer...Josh asked the dr why he was still having numbness, and dizziness, and chest tightness, and the dr said "I don't know" Josh has no restrictions, and they suggested he see his pcp next week....

overall not the afternoon I was planning, I am thankful that Josh is ok, but frustrated with the lack of concern and respect that we received today at the ER...

so now that the "excitement" is over I am going to make something for dinner!

whatever wednesday

Hi there!
So I am incredibly thankful that my hubby went out and got an air conditioner and installed it yesterday! Even more thankful when I realized that today is supposed to hit the 90's...I don't mind the heat that much, I mean I LOVE being in the sun, especially at a beach, or a pool, but this place we are living is like a furnace. It holds the heat and refuses to cool down even a little! As much as I hate moving, I will happily look for places next year when our lease is up....I miss having a yard for the kids to play in, and not having to share astairway with neighbors....I try to stay positive though because this place is so affordable and it has 3 bedrooms which is almost impossible to find !!
So I was up alot last night. not feeling that great, and of course Caleb didn't sleep well so we kind of hung out all night :)   Needless to say I am kind of tired today and really want to just go back to bed and sleep, but I fear what would happen to the house/kids/walls/carpets etc....if I did!! :)
I am thinking about heading to my moms and filling the pool for the kids to splash around in....that way I can sit in the sun and relax.....probably after lunch that will be the plan

Well, I just looked over at my kiddos who became naked and are dancing to the cat in the hat music.......

Oh-----Gerbil update.....still have 2!!! hooray!!!!!  :)